I'm sitting here at my desk, blissfully child-free and staring out at the beautiful blue Brissie sky and wishing I could cut out the gorgeous cloudy streaks and sew them onto a t-shirt. Except of course that's impossible: I suck at sewing.
I feel a little nauseous cos I just chowed down on yet another one of those damn chocolate fundraising boxes for the kids' day-care centre. Will the torture never end?
This is my first day alone with no commitments and no kiddly-winks in weeks and to be honest, I don't know quite what to do with myself. I'm procrastinating big-time (can you tell?) from the jobs I have to do, including unpacking. Mind you, I'm justified in procrastinating that one - unfortunately a tin of coffee came undone during the flight and thus half my luggage is covered in thin coffee granules. *shudder* Oh well, at least it's not snot.
It hasn't been entirely unproductive - got the car fixed, wrote a basic structure of my full-length show (that's actually quite a massive achievement when I think about it) and even fed myself. Woohoo.
Am missing the Tassie kids a bit. Like Brock, my cousin's youngest son (he's 5) who just cracks me up more than anything with his random Keanu Reeves-like thoughts.
Him: (walking backwards and smiling up at me) I like walking backwards.
Him: (hopping on one leg and smiling up at me) I like hopping on one leg.
Him: (twisting the head off an innocent frog) I like apricots.
Okay, so I made that last one up.
But he's adorable.
And Jessie, the oldest (she's 9) who is just like the biggest helper you've ever met in your life. I even rang my bestest friend Frankie just to tell her "you'll never guess it: once they get older they can make toast, dress themselves and EVEN WASH UP!" Hell, I'm sure if I buy Ella a little maid's outfit she'd get right into it.
Pass the gaffer tape and call me J-Lo.
Then there's Rachel who is cheeky as all hell (Ella has become suspiciously whingey since we got back) but so hilarious. She makes this bizarre groaning noise whenever she draws (which is often) and threw a huge tantrum when she wasn't allowed to come watch me perform. Now THAT is the kinda audience member I want!
And Joscelyn and Tilda, my uncle's kids. They actually DID come watch me perform, and after I got off-stage, were staring up at me awe-struck as though I was Hilary Duff (hey, it was dark.) It was so cute, they were too shy to even speak and my uncle said "I think you've got a couple of groupies!" Awwww...
And my own little muppets. I'm actually missing them now for the first time in AGES. How pathetic. But the thing is, I know this avo will rock around and within minutes of having them home I'll be ready to throw the toaster into the bath. But until then... oh, they're so cute...
So there you have it. That's where I'm at right now.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Review of Tim Minchin's "Darkside"
As promised, here's the link to my review of Tim Minchin's "Darkside".
Warning: he is my favourite comedian, so it's not completely unbiased. Enjoy!
Warning: he is my favourite comedian, so it's not completely unbiased. Enjoy!
Things I learned on Tour
Okay, so I lied about writing this debrief on Friday. Sorry bout that. Truth be told I ended up wasting hours upon hours just sorting through the billions of e-mails clogging up my very neglected inbox. But you don't need to be bored with details, do you? Hell no. Let me try and write this succintly. 'Yeah right,' I hear you say. Oh ye of little faith.
The past few weeks have been the most intense of my entire life. Now, you might think 'oh yeah, Jen, but maybe that's just cos you just live a boring crappy little life.'
That would hurt if I wasn't so secure.
No, rest assured my life is always nuts, so much so that my old flatmate Paul once said to me 'Jen, you're that one person that when I ask 'so what's been happening?' will always have some dramatic story to tell.'
Touche.
So yes, when I say the tour was intense, I mean it was INTENSE. There you go, in capitals and all. I met so many amazing people, saw so much cool comedy, got up close and personal with heaps of my favourite people, talked comedy, walked comedy, bloody well bled comedy. I feel like I've had this little glimpse of what could be, which was both exciting and terrifying. Exciting because now it all seems so possible, I'm completely inspired and feel like I'm closer than ever to becoming the performer I want to be. But terrifying because I was struck by the realisation that being a comedian AND a good mummy and wife is going to be a hell of a lot harder than I thought. So without further ado...
Things I learned on Tour
1. Don't try and do too much.
I definitely stuffed this one up, cramming in way too many gigs in way too little time. Add parenting to the mix (single parenting for the first four and final nine days) and congratulations: you've just bought a one-way ticket to burn-out. (When the hell did I become the narrator of "Cops"?)
2. Don't ever go on tour without a nanny.
Mary Poppins, where were you when I needed you? No doubt helping some over-wealthy stuck up British kids with a thoughtless merchant banker for a father, but what about two little dumplings with a broke mummy comedian on tour somewhere in the lower regions of little old Australia who actually REALLY NEED HELP?! I'm going to be writing a rather terse letter to Julie Andrews.
3. Do include your hubby in your world.
Originally I thought 'oh, it will be so cool for Tim to come, he can do uni work through the day and I'll go gigging at night'. Which is exactly what we did and while it worked well from a practical point of view, I can see now that this is definitely NOT the way to do things. We just end up passing like ships in the night and we both end up feeling like we're living separate lives. So next time...I'm definitely kidnapping Mary Poppins so that Tim can come to gigs and be part of that world as well. I think I can still do comedy and be a good wife, but I just need to do things differently.
4. Think outside the box.
For instance, there I was trying to convince my beyond-nap-time 3-year-old to continue the long trek home, when it dawned on me: don't fight her, just strap her into the pram and pop little brother on top. Check it out:
Some might call this technique 'dodgy', I prefer 'innovative'.
5. When solo parenting, the park is your best friend.
Followed very closely by "Monsters Inc", "Shark's Tale" (which I HATE, by the way) and Sesame Street. And guilt over the revolting amount of television you're allowing your kids to watch is bad. After all, who's to say I'm not inspiring the Scorsese's of tomorrow? Cos as we all know, if there was one shining light of inspiration to good old Martin's body of work, it was Big Bird.
6. When in Tassie, heaters are your best friend.
Followed very closely by dodgy Eminem hooded fleecy sweaters, kindly lent to me by my cousin, conveniently providing me with warm padding AND the chance to get in touch with my inner white-trash hick. When in Rome...
7. Don't be afraid to use heckler comebacks on abusive strangers.
Let me set the scene: I was trying to get Caleb out of his car-seat while she reverse-parked her ute, an action which a random woman, (le's call her middle-aged-flannelette-wearing-redneck-biatch-from-hell)obviously found deeply offensive despite my trying to take up as little space as possible while doing so. It was only after she'd screamed at me (completely incoherently, might I add) for thirty seconds or so that I suddenly realised 'hang on, I don't have to take this crap. I'm a comedian! I do hecklers all the time!!'
Me: EXCUSE ME?
(I know, brilliant.)
Her: (quite literally running into the butcher shop while continuing to yell unintelligible babble) babble...car....babble...f***ing...babble...dangerous...babble
Me: (trying to dish out one of my heckler comebacks but torn between leaving my son in the car and following the old bag into the butchers): WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!!
Her: (continuing to back away and hurl abuse)
Me: WHY DON'T YOU SAVE YOUR BREATH FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND, YOU'LL HAVE TO INFLATE HIM LATER!!!
Okay, so I didn't really say that. But I WANTED to. And in fact, I totally would have (no really) if the wench had just stood still! That's what annoyed me the most actually. If you're gonna dish it out, then at least have the guts to stand face to face and do it. But she was screaming and running away at the same time into the embassy known as the Huonville Meat Store.
My cousin since informed me she's kinda the town crazy. I felt quite shaken up afterwards, but reassured in the knowledge I'd get some good material out of it. And as an added bonus, I actually have a newfound respect for hecklers. At least they sit in the one spot. That and they're prepared to have a show-down against someone with a microphone.
Damn, what I would have done for a microphone.
***
So there you go. I learned a lot more things too, (really, aren't I clever?) specifically about the kind of performances I want to do in future. I'm sticking to my guns and not taking on any more gigs in the near future and instead using the time to rewrite my new material, especially more songs. I'm completely inspired after seeing the likes of Tim Minchin to create a much more theatrical show and am quite turned off the idea of doing pub gigs for a while. I want to do a SHOW, damn it!
I could write tons more (as you well know) but then I did promise to keep it short, didn't I? And I am very much a woman of my word. Evidently.
The past few weeks have been the most intense of my entire life. Now, you might think 'oh yeah, Jen, but maybe that's just cos you just live a boring crappy little life.'
That would hurt if I wasn't so secure.
No, rest assured my life is always nuts, so much so that my old flatmate Paul once said to me 'Jen, you're that one person that when I ask 'so what's been happening?' will always have some dramatic story to tell.'
Touche.
So yes, when I say the tour was intense, I mean it was INTENSE. There you go, in capitals and all. I met so many amazing people, saw so much cool comedy, got up close and personal with heaps of my favourite people, talked comedy, walked comedy, bloody well bled comedy. I feel like I've had this little glimpse of what could be, which was both exciting and terrifying. Exciting because now it all seems so possible, I'm completely inspired and feel like I'm closer than ever to becoming the performer I want to be. But terrifying because I was struck by the realisation that being a comedian AND a good mummy and wife is going to be a hell of a lot harder than I thought. So without further ado...
Things I learned on Tour
1. Don't try and do too much.
I definitely stuffed this one up, cramming in way too many gigs in way too little time. Add parenting to the mix (single parenting for the first four and final nine days) and congratulations: you've just bought a one-way ticket to burn-out. (When the hell did I become the narrator of "Cops"?)
2. Don't ever go on tour without a nanny.
Mary Poppins, where were you when I needed you? No doubt helping some over-wealthy stuck up British kids with a thoughtless merchant banker for a father, but what about two little dumplings with a broke mummy comedian on tour somewhere in the lower regions of little old Australia who actually REALLY NEED HELP?! I'm going to be writing a rather terse letter to Julie Andrews.
3. Do include your hubby in your world.
Originally I thought 'oh, it will be so cool for Tim to come, he can do uni work through the day and I'll go gigging at night'. Which is exactly what we did and while it worked well from a practical point of view, I can see now that this is definitely NOT the way to do things. We just end up passing like ships in the night and we both end up feeling like we're living separate lives. So next time...I'm definitely kidnapping Mary Poppins so that Tim can come to gigs and be part of that world as well. I think I can still do comedy and be a good wife, but I just need to do things differently.
4. Think outside the box.
For instance, there I was trying to convince my beyond-nap-time 3-year-old to continue the long trek home, when it dawned on me: don't fight her, just strap her into the pram and pop little brother on top. Check it out:
Some might call this technique 'dodgy', I prefer 'innovative'.
5. When solo parenting, the park is your best friend.
Followed very closely by "Monsters Inc", "Shark's Tale" (which I HATE, by the way) and Sesame Street. And guilt over the revolting amount of television you're allowing your kids to watch is bad. After all, who's to say I'm not inspiring the Scorsese's of tomorrow? Cos as we all know, if there was one shining light of inspiration to good old Martin's body of work, it was Big Bird.
6. When in Tassie, heaters are your best friend.
Followed very closely by dodgy Eminem hooded fleecy sweaters, kindly lent to me by my cousin, conveniently providing me with warm padding AND the chance to get in touch with my inner white-trash hick. When in Rome...
7. Don't be afraid to use heckler comebacks on abusive strangers.
Let me set the scene: I was trying to get Caleb out of his car-seat while she reverse-parked her ute, an action which a random woman, (le's call her middle-aged-flannelette-wearing-redneck-biatch-from-hell)obviously found deeply offensive despite my trying to take up as little space as possible while doing so. It was only after she'd screamed at me (completely incoherently, might I add) for thirty seconds or so that I suddenly realised 'hang on, I don't have to take this crap. I'm a comedian! I do hecklers all the time!!'
Me: EXCUSE ME?
(I know, brilliant.)
Her: (quite literally running into the butcher shop while continuing to yell unintelligible babble) babble...car....babble...f***ing...babble...dangerous...babble
Me: (trying to dish out one of my heckler comebacks but torn between leaving my son in the car and following the old bag into the butchers): WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!!
Her: (continuing to back away and hurl abuse)
Me: WHY DON'T YOU SAVE YOUR BREATH FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND, YOU'LL HAVE TO INFLATE HIM LATER!!!
Okay, so I didn't really say that. But I WANTED to. And in fact, I totally would have (no really) if the wench had just stood still! That's what annoyed me the most actually. If you're gonna dish it out, then at least have the guts to stand face to face and do it. But she was screaming and running away at the same time into the embassy known as the Huonville Meat Store.
My cousin since informed me she's kinda the town crazy. I felt quite shaken up afterwards, but reassured in the knowledge I'd get some good material out of it. And as an added bonus, I actually have a newfound respect for hecklers. At least they sit in the one spot. That and they're prepared to have a show-down against someone with a microphone.
Damn, what I would have done for a microphone.
***
So there you go. I learned a lot more things too, (really, aren't I clever?) specifically about the kind of performances I want to do in future. I'm sticking to my guns and not taking on any more gigs in the near future and instead using the time to rewrite my new material, especially more songs. I'm completely inspired after seeing the likes of Tim Minchin to create a much more theatrical show and am quite turned off the idea of doing pub gigs for a while. I want to do a SHOW, damn it!
I could write tons more (as you well know) but then I did promise to keep it short, didn't I? And I am very much a woman of my word. Evidently.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Meeting Tim Minchin: check
It may be a little difficult to type this entry, seeing as my hands are otherwise occupied trying to hold my spinning head in place. For today I met my favourite comedian in the entire world: Mr Tim Minchin.
Now, if you're a long-termish blog-reader (and what's long-term these days anyway? I mean really) then you may recall me being all in a tizzy about the opportunity to interview Tim for The Pun (where incidentally, you can check out my review of Dave Hughes' show if you like). Well, evidently that interview fell through for reasons I am yet to understand, but now it is of no matter dear fellows.
Allow me to illuminate the steps leading up to happy ending:
- months ago I asked my Vibewire editor if I could pretty please review Tim's show when it came to Brisbane in May
- several days ago she replied saying yes, indeed I could
- last night I went and saw his show "Darkside" at the Powerhouse, taking along my dear little brother Billy for company. Needless to say I LOVED it (I'll post a link to the review itself once its up) and even went so far as to splurge on a Tim Minchin canvass shopping bag, but showed great self-control in not buying the CD though not for lack of wanting!
- this morning I realised my radio show was on this avo, and wondered whether we might have a shot at getting Tim on for an interview
- I ummed and aahed over whether to bother, thinking that it would look pretty unprofessional to be asking a publicist for an interview that very afternoon. Finally, I thought 'what the hell' and shot off the requisite e-mail.
- two hours later, received a phone-call from the Powerhouse rep asking for more details and saying she'd call me back. Five minutes later she did, saying "Yep, Tim's keen, how about I give you his mobile number in case there's any probs?"
Dramatic pause. Rewind. "...how about I give you his mobile number...?"
- 5.30pm, I open the studio door and there he is. I manage to hold together my star-struckedness (at least I hope I did) to make it through the interview. Off-air, we chat. I tell him that I'm the crazy mummy comedian from Brisbane who e-mailed him some months ago and he remembers checking out my site (or at least he says he does, but he did e-mail me back after that which is a good sign!) He asks what I've been up to: I tell him a bit about the Melbourne Comedy Festival and he says he thinks that was a really smart way to go about it. "The thing is, don't go putting on a big show until you know you're really ready. Then when you know you're ready, just go for it." Oh boy.
- as we wrap it up, he hands us a copy of his "Darkside" CD (which I fully intend to make very good use of) and I tell him I saw the show last night and am reviewing it for Vibewire. "I'll e-mail you a copy once it's up," I say. "Don't worry, it's all good. You're my favourite comedian." He goes all coy and then he hugs me. Dramatic pause. Rewind. He hugs me.
- on the dizzying come-down on the train-ride home, I check my phone and see a missed call from...Tim Minchin (that's right, I put him straight in my phonebook). I suddenly realise that we forgot to give Tim the names of the ticket winners on the show. I text Alex (my co-host), he texts me back and I text Tim. He texts back: Thanks Jenny. Was grand to meet yez. x
So now I have two, yes that's right TWO never-to-be-erased text messages on my phone, ONE hug and ONE Darkside CD from my favourite ever comedian: I'm still coming down. Tomorrow's gonna hurt.
Even my hubby was happy for me and bless his little cottonsocks: not in the least bit threatened, even when I burst out with: "I LOVE him!!!" (insert very awkward silence here)"You know, purely in a comedic sense."
But come on, I'm entitled to go a little nuts here in my very daggy star-struck way. Cos there's probably only two people in the world I would get this excited about meeting. Tim Minchin and Johnny Depp.
One down...
Now, if you're a long-termish blog-reader (and what's long-term these days anyway? I mean really) then you may recall me being all in a tizzy about the opportunity to interview Tim for The Pun (where incidentally, you can check out my review of Dave Hughes' show if you like). Well, evidently that interview fell through for reasons I am yet to understand, but now it is of no matter dear fellows.
Allow me to illuminate the steps leading up to happy ending:
- months ago I asked my Vibewire editor if I could pretty please review Tim's show when it came to Brisbane in May
- several days ago she replied saying yes, indeed I could
- last night I went and saw his show "Darkside" at the Powerhouse, taking along my dear little brother Billy for company. Needless to say I LOVED it (I'll post a link to the review itself once its up) and even went so far as to splurge on a Tim Minchin canvass shopping bag, but showed great self-control in not buying the CD though not for lack of wanting!
- this morning I realised my radio show was on this avo, and wondered whether we might have a shot at getting Tim on for an interview
- I ummed and aahed over whether to bother, thinking that it would look pretty unprofessional to be asking a publicist for an interview that very afternoon. Finally, I thought 'what the hell' and shot off the requisite e-mail.
- two hours later, received a phone-call from the Powerhouse rep asking for more details and saying she'd call me back. Five minutes later she did, saying "Yep, Tim's keen, how about I give you his mobile number in case there's any probs?"
Dramatic pause. Rewind. "...how about I give you his mobile number...?"
- 5.30pm, I open the studio door and there he is. I manage to hold together my star-struckedness (at least I hope I did) to make it through the interview. Off-air, we chat. I tell him that I'm the crazy mummy comedian from Brisbane who e-mailed him some months ago and he remembers checking out my site (or at least he says he does, but he did e-mail me back after that which is a good sign!) He asks what I've been up to: I tell him a bit about the Melbourne Comedy Festival and he says he thinks that was a really smart way to go about it. "The thing is, don't go putting on a big show until you know you're really ready. Then when you know you're ready, just go for it." Oh boy.
- as we wrap it up, he hands us a copy of his "Darkside" CD (which I fully intend to make very good use of) and I tell him I saw the show last night and am reviewing it for Vibewire. "I'll e-mail you a copy once it's up," I say. "Don't worry, it's all good. You're my favourite comedian." He goes all coy and then he hugs me. Dramatic pause. Rewind. He hugs me.
- on the dizzying come-down on the train-ride home, I check my phone and see a missed call from...Tim Minchin (that's right, I put him straight in my phonebook). I suddenly realise that we forgot to give Tim the names of the ticket winners on the show. I text Alex (my co-host), he texts me back and I text Tim. He texts back: Thanks Jenny. Was grand to meet yez. x
So now I have two, yes that's right TWO never-to-be-erased text messages on my phone, ONE hug and ONE Darkside CD from my favourite ever comedian: I'm still coming down. Tomorrow's gonna hurt.
Even my hubby was happy for me and bless his little cottonsocks: not in the least bit threatened, even when I burst out with: "I LOVE him!!!" (insert very awkward silence here)"You know, purely in a comedic sense."
But come on, I'm entitled to go a little nuts here in my very daggy star-struck way. Cos there's probably only two people in the world I would get this excited about meeting. Tim Minchin and Johnny Depp.
One down...
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Home again, home again, jiggedy jig
Just wanted to let my billions upon billions of loyal readers know that the tour is now officially OVER. In fact, it's so last week. Pfft.
But...for those of you intent on hanging onto the past, I shall do a full wrap-up tomorrow. Because tomorrow is da-da-da-da-da-da...DAYCARE DAY!!! Be still my beating uterus.
I cannot believe how tough the past week has been. In fact, my disbelief is so strong that whenever questioned about it I just dissolve into giggles like the madwoman I apparently am. Even Tim, who was so incredibly excited and in love with the kids after having had 10 days away from them, sighed in exasperation some half-hour after getting them home... "Oh man, how on earth did you DO it?!?!"
I don't know.
All I can say is that I'm re-thinking the whole "Mums who dare to dream" book. Not to get rid of it, but just to re-work the angle. Because the last thing I want to do is put pressure on mummies to go forth and conquer. Not that they can't, but that bloody hell, it takes a lot out of you. Out with the Supermummy! Because for the past few weeks I've been her, and frankly, the experience is completely over-rated.
Did you hear that?
That was me collapsing in a heap.
But...for those of you intent on hanging onto the past, I shall do a full wrap-up tomorrow. Because tomorrow is da-da-da-da-da-da...DAYCARE DAY!!! Be still my beating uterus.
I cannot believe how tough the past week has been. In fact, my disbelief is so strong that whenever questioned about it I just dissolve into giggles like the madwoman I apparently am. Even Tim, who was so incredibly excited and in love with the kids after having had 10 days away from them, sighed in exasperation some half-hour after getting them home... "Oh man, how on earth did you DO it?!?!"
I don't know.
All I can say is that I'm re-thinking the whole "Mums who dare to dream" book. Not to get rid of it, but just to re-work the angle. Because the last thing I want to do is put pressure on mummies to go forth and conquer. Not that they can't, but that bloody hell, it takes a lot out of you. Out with the Supermummy! Because for the past few weeks I've been her, and frankly, the experience is completely over-rated.
Did you hear that?
That was me collapsing in a heap.
Monday, May 01, 2006
I hate blogging under pressure
Left: Rachel (my beloved Melbournian goddess without whom NONE of this could have happened) and I at her place. Rachel: I LOVE YOU.
Yikes...so here I am, my first child-free half hour in five days and the pressure's on. Plus my net access here is below-appalling (as you've no doubt guessed) and so here I am, my cousin's picking me up in 5 minutes as I've just spent all my time clearing out my inbox and downloading photos. AAGGGH!!!
In summary:
- thank you so much to everybody who's been writing, posting comments and so on. I'm sorry I haven't been able to respond properly yet, but as you can see I've got pretty good excuses!
- the Palais gig was incredibly well received, if only by a small audience. Still the acoustics in the place were amazing so it sounded like laughter from a packed house.
- I ended up without babysitting that night, so for the first time in history my kids came with me to the gig. It was a mixture of elation (Ella fell asleep en route and I set her up in a side-room with a mattress and blankies) and horror (Caleb was wired the entire time, running through the hall and calling out "Mummy! Mummy!" during my set. "Aagh!" I cried. "I'm being heckled by my son!"
- finally am spending my gig-free time in Tassie just thinking about life and choices and stuff, and writing HEAPS. It seems all the inspiration overload of the past couple of weeks is finally being given space to come out in the form of new material. Hooray!
- I found a whole pile of old books I brought down here years ago, including..... plays I've written and since lost and my old very personal journal!!! So very cool, I'm almost turning into fairy floss just thinking about it. Which is handy too, as I'm going to need an extra income stream when I get back, and I've heard fairy floss sells quite well.
- SOOO much more to tell but seriously have to run. I'll try to post a couple of pics here too. See how onto it I am? Seriously.
Love you all and cannot wait to have un-time-ticking blogging space!
Jen. x
This is me in my current role: Mummy/Aunty Jenny with the flock of kids including 2 of my own plus 3 cousins. Needless to say I am often seen bursting into renditions of "Do Ra Mi" and ripping down curtains to sew stuff. Somebody save me!!!!
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