7 Things About My Childhood You Probably Didn't Need to Know

1. I wanted to be Shirley Temple and/or Princess Leia. Either way, I still have a penchant for cute hair-styles that involve the side of the head.

2. I loved Ewoks - I had an Ewok lunch-box once and even indulged in the odd Ewok ice-block (they had green jelly stuff inside...mmmmm). And after seeing "Caravan of Courage" (i.e. Star Wars spin-off made-for-television-movie, the monster villain of which absolutely freaked the hell out of me) I loved them even more. I wanted one so badly...then I gave up and just had kids instead.

3. When I was five I fell into my grandma's freezing cold swimming pool in the middle of winter (Toowoomba winter no less...makes ice-blocks look like hot water bottles). I had no idea how to swim, and after thrashing about helplessly for thirty seconds, managed to clutch at the pool brush handle she held out to me. In typical melodramatic Jenny form, I climbed up next to her, coughed up a lung, and spluttered: "You're my hero."

4. In grade four, inspired by an episode of Neighbours, I took the liberty of organising a surprise birthday party for my grandma. It was easy: I just waited til she'd gone out shopping, rang everybody in her address book, told them the date and time and asked them to bring something. Then I got our neighbour to invite her over for afternoon tea while all the guests arrived. The house was packed and I still remember the shock on her face when she walked in. That's one thing in my life I will always be proud of.

5. I used to spend an unhealthy amount of time willing Mary Poppins to come floating down to my house. That film still just kills me, especially the "Feed the Birds" song. To this day (I've been watching it a bit with Ella lately) that number brings a tear or two to my eye. I mean, no it doesn't...ehem, that's just...allergies...

6. I made my own version of a 'radio show' by recording myself on cassette tape for an hour and a half. I had grand visions of making copies of it and being able to sell it around the globe. It featured such classics as 'Jenny singing a crappy Christmas song!' and 'Jenny imitating her grade one classmates!' and 'Jenny getting her little sister to sing the alphabet, complete with patronising words of encouragement!' It's still around somewhere.

7. I was completely self-absorbed. Thankfully, I'm so over that...

My Britney-style poetry

So if Britney can write some schmaltzy poetry on her website, then so can I!

I like to call this one: "Kids...mummy's gotta go and paint the town red."

3 1/2 weeks without hearing a scream,
3 1/2 weeks without poo,
3 1/2 weeks without tantrums or tears,
3 1/2 weeks without you.

3 1/2 weeks without fighting or fits,
3 1/2 weeks without spew,
3 1/2 weeks without broken sleep,
3 1/2 weeks without you.

3 1/2 weeks without one of your cuddles,
3 1/2 weeks without a 'boo!'
3 1/2 weeks without kissing your cheeks,
3 1/2 weeks without you.

***
Britney...eat your heart out baby. Comic Mummy is in da house.

Latest review excerpt

FYI and FMOI (that's "For My Own Indulgence") here's my section of a lovely review of Jody Ekert's recent show at Metro Arts.

The show started with MC Jenny Wynter. Jenny is a genuinely funny lady, very warm and a natural improviser, she connects well with her audience. As she explores motherhood in all it's agonizing and bizarre comic glory and she does it with a cheeky smile and a guitar. Making up songs about babies, audience members and drunks. Not so much Jenny from the block, as Jenny off her block and the sing a long will never be the same now the Cats in the Cradle have been to the dole office!

Reviewed by Lisa Lamb.

I'm not even sure what that last sentence means, but I'm taking it as a compliment.

Rat Poison for the Insecure Soul

Mum: (whispering to my sister) "I thought she'd lost more weight than that."

Me: "Uh, I can HEAR you! And THANKS!"

***

Mum: "I don't like your shirt."

Me: "Oh, I'm sorry...do you like my pants?"
(A beat)
Me: "Sorry Mum. That was just me turning the other cheek."

***

Grandpa of sister's boyfriend (to whom I'd just been introduced): "Wow, you're much bigger than Angie, aren't you?"

(Note: my sister is an absolute waif, the pudding-like proof being that her personal trainer has told her it is impossible
for her to get any skinnier. That and she's tiny, while I am rather tall.)

Angie: (trying to be sublty comforting) "Yeah, we are quite different."

Others in the room: "Mmmm, mmmmm, you don't look much alike, no, mmmmm..."

Angie: "And I am sitting on a chair!"

(Note: I was standing up.)

Me: "Yeah...and I am exhaling."

***

Honestly, it's enough to make you want to:

a) stick your fingers down your throat while singing "The Candyman Can";
b) gate-crash an aerobics class, take over the microphone and spend the entire session visibly bingeing on turkish delight; or
c) dwell on those beautiful words of rainbow fizziness, uttered this very afternoon by grandma's downstairs neighbour (complete with a thick German accent): "My dear look at you...you finally got your figure back!"

Wunderbar.

I'm a 'Comic of the Week'

Apparently. Check it out: www.comedygreenroom.com

Johnny Depp, Henri Szeps & I

The only thing better than having my first ever major profile in The Courier Mail, is having the front page of the lift-out covered in Johnny Depp's face.

You see, I have a bit of a thing for Johnny Depp. That is, if by 'bit', you mean 'completely out-of-control, undying and certainly completely mutual-if-we-ever-met'.

Okay, I lurrrrvee him. So to be only four pages apart from each other in the Arts lift-out...(even if the photo you can see makes me look like Hannibal Lector's long lost daughter) well, that is what it's all about.

This has been such a wicked weekend.

On Friday I got to interview Henri Szeps on the Frog and Peach on 4ZZZ - for the benefit of my overseas pals, let me tell you he is something of an Aussie icon, most famous for his turn in a very funny eighties series Mother in Son amongst a gazillion other productions for stage and screen: he's worked with pretty much anybody who's anybody in our industry.

In the flesh, he is a man of such immense presence and power that while he is very friendly, you actually feel awe-struck, welcomed and intimidated at the same time. At the risk of repeating myself, I was so inspired.

Off-air he told me how much he'd loved Walk the Line: "There is such a clear and fabulous turning point in that film, it's perfect. When he's down on the tractor and she says to her father 'I'm not going down there,' and he says 'honey, you're already down there.' It just turns it in this entire other direction, it's an extraordinary film." Brilliant observations, yet I was too busy thinking oh my heavens, Henri Szeps is talking to me. Jenny, snap out of it and nod.

I nodded.

I mentioned I did stand-up comedy and asked how he incorporated stand-up into his show "Why Kids?". He said "stand-up is fantastic, but the thing is with a stand-up comedian, no matter how good they are, they won't make an audience cry. I want to make an audience feel happiness and tragedy. It's stand up drama."

Did you hear that? That was my mind ticking over.

Okay, ticking's stopped.

I later had the good fortune of catching his solo show (which I'm reviewing for Vibewire, so will let you know when that's up) that night and afterwards caught up with him briefly to tell him how inspired I'd been. "Bless you," he said. "Do you want a book?" I had to run, but he said "Okay, nick off, nick off, I'll send you one!" So cool, yet I was too busy thinking oh my heavens, Henri Szeps is talking to me. Jenny, snap out of it and nod.

I nodded.

Then went out to the in-laws' place for a mini family reunion of sorts (my hubby's brother and wife are visiting from overseas - the same brother and sister-in-law who are going to be in the States at the same time as me so will be joining me at various intervals to assist my mission to paint USA red, redder and redder still) then to top it all off, had an absolutely wonderful gig tonight at The Powerhouse.

So, I apologise for the lack of blogging action this weekend, but as you can see, it's all for good reason. The only thing that can knock me off my happy happy little bubble of insert-nice-word-here, is the realisation that it's only three weeks to go til I leave for New York. Not that that isn't absolutely brilliant, but I've got a million things to do before then, not the least of which include:

- making a video for Ella and Cay to watch while I'm away;
- writing a book for Ella, that Tim can read her at a rate of one page per day;
- planning Ella's birthday party (did I mention I'm going to be missing her fourth birthday? That just wrenches my guts out to the point where I can no longer even stomach chocolate. I know: dramatic, huh?)

I'm sooo scared about leaving them (did you see how many 'o's I put in the 'sooo'? Wow, I hear you think, she must REALLY mean that!), but have resolved to stock up on as many cool American presents as possible so that upon my return I am fully equipped to buy their love back. Genius.

Ciao for now...rest assured I feel fully debriefed and will be back with short and sharp entries henceforth.

Jen. x