Permanent things are freaky.

I've been thinking of getting a new tattoo. And having another baby. It would seem they're both as addictive as the other.

Sigh.

But...the permanence of both possibilities is what is scaring me off at the moment. And the fact that my stupefyingly 'original' idea for a tatt is - after much googling - apparently not so revolutionary after all. I even saw a smidgeon of it on Jack's inner arm while sacrificing my night-time sleep in favour of devouring the entire third season of Lost.

Double sigh.

On an unrelated note, I've apparently been featured on the comedy homepage of TalentDatabase.



Good sigh.

Tyra Banks bullshizz: the Comic Mummy breakdown

Okay, so I've laid off the pop culture stuff for a bit, so revolted was I beginning to get with my preoccupation with it (a symptom of my having a little too much time on my hands for a while there...) but something's come to my attention this week that I simply cannot NOT comment on.

This whole 'Jennifer Love Hewitt/Tyra Banks/insert-other-target-here is fat' thing.

*taking a deep breath*

It is my very humble opinion that a new code of conduct be devised, a code which every single editor of every single gossip/women/etc magazine is bound to comply with. A code which entails:

1. NEVER publishing articles on 'Boost your self esteem!', 'The Tragedy of Bulimia' or 'Love your body now!' if they appear in the same issue as zoom lensed photos closing in on "Uma Thurman's cottage cheese thighs".

And yes, I actually saw that on a mag once, I believe the exact caption on the cover was something like 'Uma's cottage cheese thighs: EWW!!!!' I know after simply seeing that on the magazine rack - and I never even bought the damn thing - I instantly felt compelled to cover up all my flesh with an extra couple of layers of clothing. Of course it being summer and all, I instead opted for icecream, thereby adding an extra couple of layers of fat. Point is: while printing crap like that may arguably make us feel better for a millisecond that celebs are mere mortals after all, this is mega-outweighed by the feeling of 'well gees, if The Bride is having issues then what the hell is this whale-suit I'm lugging around?'

and furthermore:

2. ONLY using buzzwords like 'fat' or 'chubby' after said editor has subjected themselves to a photo shoot combining underwear, close-ups and fluroescent lighting.

What can I say? I aim to make the world a better place.

PS Speaking of knickers (and slumber, not that I mentioned that but I had to slip it in there somewhere) I haven't forgotten your suggestions Miss and Mezz! I'll be doing the next video entry soon, promise!

3 Things I've Discovered this Week

1. People in this area are unBELIEVABLY generous. Case in point: the dude who sold us our car a good six weeks ago, randomly rocked up on our doorstep the other night with boxes and boxes of Christmas decorations, ornaments, lights and presents for the kids. "I hope you don't think this is weird," he said, "it's just my wife and I don't have any children and we know you're new here and we just wanted to make sure you have a really great Christmas."

Did you hear that? That was my jaw hitting the floor. Luckily, this being one of the nicest places on earth, said jaw did not shatter but simply bounced straight up again only to be filled with fairy-floss.

Dig.

2. Toboganning is possibly the most fun - and free - thing ever in the entire world. Both the kids and I are completely smitten.

Rock.

3. Betty Crocker's chocolate frosting in a tub is possibly the most delectable - and fattening - thing I've ever been addicted to. I'm in serious trouble here.

Doh.

The downside to gigging in Canada

So I'm on my way to Yuk Yuk's last night, having set out some two and a half hours PRIOR to the gig to allow myself the requisite time to get lost (which I've been making a habit of every time I've driven to Calgary thus far).

It's a snowy night. The roads are icy. And it's pitch black.

Yet nothing will stop me. For this is my first night at Yuk Yuk's! And I am psyched! And...I am hardcore!

Then the rain starts. Which quickly turns to ice on my windscreen. Which, combined with the trucks zooming by in lanes which I can't even see the markings of...leaves me feeling a little frazzled. Suddenly I can't see a thing, and I'm struck by two thoughts:

1. If I die tonight, thus leaving my kids motherless for a 7-minute spot at a comedy club, I'm gonna be mighty peeved.

2. There is no WAY I'm leaving this planet to the sound of a Jessica Simpson track. (Hey, it was the only radio station I could get reception on, gimme a break!)

And so, I did the unthinkable, pulled over at the nearest petrol station, calmed myself and phoned Tim to ask him to call the club and explain that I wasn't game to make it. "Wow," teased Tim. "You're giving up a gig? It must be REALLY bad!"

And so I dragged my sorry icicled butt back home at a mind-boggling highway pace of 60kph. All dressed up with nowhere to go, I got home in time to read books to my little dude and kiss both kidlets goodnight, then drowned my sorrows in some way-too-rich licquer with the Tim-meister, followed by practising on my keyboard (I'm learning to play Jerry Lewis style...yeehaw!) and then staying up WAY too late to polish off Steve Martin's Born Standing Up. Which, might I add, is so full of insight and general all-round marvel that when I was only a third of the way through I already could not WAIT to read it all over again! If you are a comedian, you must read this. That is an order.

Now excuse me while I finish calming down this morning. After last night's highway escapades, I think I'm due for at least a chant or forty-four.

Today's Headlines

It's Monday morning, there's by far the most snow here that I've seen thus far (can you say 'let's shovel out the car'?) and I'm about to take my little tike ice-skating.

How's that for officially updating?

The latest:

- I FINALLY got my butt down to train with Loose Moose Theatre on Saturday and in a word (or more specifically, 5): it was worth the wait! The group seems to be pretty varied in its make-up but with one uniting factor: positivity!

- I'm doing a spot down at Yuk Yuk's tomorrow night. Chookas to me.

- The kids are fully recovered and enjoying life again. They are also DESPERATE to get a Christmas tree up, so looks like that's on the agenda for this afternoon.

- And I miss my Mum.

Zat is all.

The Video Blogging Experiment: The Sequel!