Upon discovering I shall be flying Qantas...

Mum's wise words to me this morning:

"You get onto them! Before you hop on the plane, ask them right then and there, 'now has this plane been serviced properly? Are you sure?'"

Hehe.

That'll learn em.

I dreamed a dream

No doubt inspired by a very saddening episode of Australian Story last night, I was rocked by disturbing dreams all night that my Mum had died.*

*Note to reader: I'm referring to my grandma who raised me after my real mum actually did die years and years ago. We call her 'mum'. Let's move on.

It was unsettling, to say the least. Plus the ABC story itself stirred up some thoughts - for those of you who missed it, it was about Lyndall Hobbs, a journo/filmmaker/former girlfriend of Al Pacino, and the sacrifices she made to look after her ailing dad in his last years of life. It was her musings on trying to make up for the guilt she felt at having lived overseas chasing the dream for much of her life and thus missing out on family stuff, that really got me thinking.

And dreaming.

No conclusions really, just sharing the ingredients of my stirred up pot.

Then there was Caleb's dream last night:

"I was with Papa, and I messed up Papa's party, and then I ran across the road, and then the Cookie Monster cuddled me!"

I can't even compete with that.

Forecast: brighter and still Canadian

New week, new outlook.

After last week's corker of fevers, cancelled Canada plans and chest x-rays, I'm happy to report that I've had a few days to calm down and recover. And...while the disappointment is still raw, compared to other things that could happen in this life I guess it's really not the end of the world. There you go. My lightbulb moment, and it's not even ten past nine. Rock.

It's funny thinking back to why I was always too chicken to make the leap overseas. I've been delaying it for almost a decade, you see. And if I could pin it down to one reason why, I'd say it was fear of the beauracracy I'd have to deal with to make it all happen. What was a 'visa' anyway? I sure as heck didn't want to find out.

So when I started planning this trip...finally given a kick up the butt after getting the Arts Queensland grant for the Loose Moose Improv School (which I'm doing everything in my being to avoid thinking about, like how right now, they've just finished their second day of the warm-up camp and are probably back at the dorms chatting and geeking out over all things improv...see how I'm NOT thinking about that?) part of me thought I'd be pleasantly surprised. Like, 'wow, Jen, all this time you were freaked out about how hard organising an overseas jaunt would be and all this time it was easy as pie!!!'

But I wasn't. It has been every bit as hard as I'd ever dreaded, in fact, I think it's been worse. Every possible thing that could stuff up, has stuffed up and then some.

BUT...as Tim and I have gotten to the point last week of wondering if we should just bite the bullet, cut our losses and call the whole thing off, we realised something. It's now or never. Because we've come this far, it's been a shocking process...and if we turn around and cancel it now, we would NEVER be gluttonous enough for punishment that we would start all over in a few years and put ourselves through it all again.

So, we're doing it.

But Canada, let me warn you: you'd better be freakin amazing!!!

Just when I think life has run out of punches to throw at us...

...it finds more.

But I'm sick and tired of writing whingey blogs, so I'm gonna leave it at that for today. Let's change the subject.

How bout that Lindsay "it's not my coke" Lohan. Boy, isn't her life messed up right now?!

Ehem.

Waaaaaahhhh.

Last night I was supposed to be on my flight to a new exciting chapter of life! Instead I was in *drumroll please* the emergency room of Ipswich Hospital.

Believe me, that is no place I would go if I didn't really think it was necessary - and I ended up leaving without even seeing a doctor after realising some people had been already waiting almost six hours (I don't even like hanging around a place I LIKE for six hours!) - but the point is I'm feeling worse, there's still no sign of my passport and thus I have had to cancel, yes, CANCEL my time at Loose Moose Improv School. Oh alright 'postpone til next year' but that just doesn't sound as heartbreaking as this news has made me feel. Seriously, I haven't cried this much since watching Love Story in high school. What a loser.

But thanks guys for the messages of encouragement. I've laughed a lot at your prospective memoir titles!!! Sorry I haven't been commenting, but we've only just arrived at my in-laws - my mother-in-law is spoiling me with smoothies, sympathy and even booking me a proper doctor's appointment, and thus am just trying to ride the wave, get better and embrace our new plans as they come into being.

Woot.*

*Note: the above exclamation may have been one of hope, or merely a nose blow.

Keeping the dream alive...barely

So the bohemian dream of living footloose and fancy free, adventuring all over the world with our kids in tow, has been soured with a reality check: we are all as sick as dogs (I have not been this sick in YEARS), not to mention homeless, having moved out of our former abode and now living out of suitcases at my sister's house. My passport is still lost with neither Australia Post nor the US Consulate willing to take responsibility, my flights are cancelled and I'm all but crossing everything that it will all get sorted out by Friday.

In other words, living the dream seems at this point to be rather overrated.

Anyway, on the upside, it means I've had plenty of snuggling time in bed with my darling sick babies, I am truly relieved that I'm NOT doing the long-haul flight while my chest is raw as an open-mike stand-up and my nose is running like a Tanzanian Olympian and I've subsequently had a valid excuse to spend three days straight with my wonderful sister.

Plus we had a kick-ass goodbye party the other night (Mezz, I sent you an e-mail and a text with the change of venue, the bowls club just round the corner?!?!?! Apparently more proof of my shocking luck of late...) and as Tim said to me last night: "Even though rationally speaking, it seems like we're completely and utterly screwed, I just have this feeling deep down that everything is going to be okay. Don't you?"

I thought about it. "Yeah," I said. "It defies all logic, but I totally do."

Then again, that could just be the Codral talking.