Well, I warned you at the start of these on-the-road updates that the end of this tour would either result in a career break or a nervous breakdown. It appears it may be the latter. In summary your honours:
- I am completely shattered and depleted of energy in every possible area.
- It follows that I am not being a very good parent, relying WAY too much on televised entertainment to see me through.
- I have growing concerns that my marriage will be unable to survive life as a professional stand-up (note: I had a chat with Fiona O'Loughlin yesterday at Jeez Louise Funny Women's Conference and asked her how the hell she manages to keep her marriage going in this industry. I'll keep her details private, but suffice to say it is damn damn hard.)
- While I feel inspired by the amazing comedy I've seen this fest and the array of incredible people I've gotten up close to, I also feel kinda comedied out.
- Whoever posted on my blog that 'aren't you just a comedy geek?' - that comment has weighed on my mind of late, making me go 'well, am I? Is this all that this is about?'
- My sense of self-loathing is growing, based on the incredibly navel-gazing nature of having comedy and blogging as two huge components of my daily existence.
I've been feeling all of these things throughout the week. As you know, I have been waiting with bated breath to find out whether I got a Wildcard into the Raw National Finals - and in fine Jenny tradition, made myself a little bet: "if I get into the Nationals, then I will consider that a pretty damn cool break and will continue along this trajectory. If I don't, then I will make a very conscious move to take my foot off the comedy career accelerator."
So yesterday at Jeez Louise, I saw Toby Sullivan, the Raw Comedy producer. We said hi in the morning, but he mentioned nothing of any decisions. At lunch-time I approached him.
Me: "So any word on the Raw finals?"
Him: "Yeah, we've decided." (him looking sympathetic)
Me: "And...I'm not in it?"
Him: "No. I'm sorry!" (him pretending to duck)
Me: "Oh....oh no...."
Him: "It's very tight this year. I'm sorry I can't help you. You'll have next year."
Uh, actually no - you're not sposed to earn over $500 in one year which means (if I do heed the honour system they have in place of course) I will be out of the running. I just feel so disappointed, not in the decision itself (well, yeah of course I am a bit) but in my absolute stupidity at getting my hopes up. Josh Thomas was so encouraging telling me how much Toby liked my stuff, Fedele (owner of the Sit Down Comedy Club and most comedy rooms in Brisbane) even rang me up the other day to ask if I'd heard and told me he thought I had a really good shot at it...I told him I didn't want to get too excited and was trying not to think about it, but then it's always easier said than done, isn't it?
But on the bright side...decision made.
Thus, in conclusion your honours, I've decided that comedy and I shall commence a trial separation. How bizarre that we had to go through this torrid whirlwind honeymoon of sorts to get to this point.
This is not a divorce, just a little break to see how it goes.
The only problem is I have some gigs booked already for the next few months - I'll still do them, but just not book anything new. How confusing - but then again, breaking up is hard to do. So bingo. There's the break after all.
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6 comments:
Jenny! Say it isn't so!
I've been enjoying your blogs and traveling with you on your "comedy" adventure and I've been admiring how you've battled against the odds to get where you are. YOUR passion and determination has been a constant motivation for MY OWN passion for writing.
Seeing somebody struggle with balancing family/career and holding onto a dream has been comforting because I'm going through the same thing. And, you seemed to be succeeding!
And as for being a "geek" - you NEED to be a geek for your dreams. Being a geek means being passionate about something. And you don't succeed without passion!
Being a geek = 1st ingredient for success.
Sorry, gotta go. More later.
Peace
Moik
Jenny! Say it isn't so!
I've been enjoying your blogs and traveling with you on your "comedy" adventure and I've been admiring how you've battled against the odds to get where you are. YOUR passion and determination has been a constant motivation for MY OWN passion for writing.
Seeing somebody struggle with balancing family/career and holding onto a dream has been comforting because I'm going through the same thing. And, you seemed to be succeeding!
And as for being a "geek" - you NEED to be a geek for your dreams. Being a geek means being passionate about something. And you don't succeed without passion!
Being a geek = 1st ingredient for success.
Sorry, gotta go. More later.
Peace
Moik
Oh thanks guys...that really means a lot. I also just had a huge pep-talk from my fellow Brissie comics in crime Nish and Alan Rutledge, so am feeling a little better about life. Having said that, my hubby's just gone back to Brissie tonight so ask me in two sleep-deprived solo mummying days and I may be scouring e-bay for strait-jackets.
Moik - wow, that's such a massive compliment I actually felt kinda teary reading your post. Thanks for your lovely words...to think I might inspire anybody on this planet, let alone someone I've never even met is just awesome. Sorry if I came across all 'poor me, poor me' but you know, it is a long hard road and you do have to really want it. I guess these dips in the rollercoaster are inevitable. Thanks for bothering to write some nice thoughts to help me appreciate that.
Dream addicts - good, good point re: it not being a choice. Already I can't imagine life without comedy, even though at times I just want space, damn it! I think maybe I'll just slow it all down, rather than divorcing suddenly without proper thought. Thanks for that babe and right back atchya - it's people like you who completely rock my world. xx
As an epilogue, I just got an e-mail from Arty Laing (CEO of A-List Entertainment) which makes me feel like maybe not everything sucks after all. Freaks me out to think how a couple of lines in cyberspace can make or break you.
Just remember Jenny, our biggest critic is the little voice inside our head. It is important to acknowledge that little voice, but tell it to sit quiet while you allow yourself to do what you need to do.
I am jealous of all you have experienced in the last few weeks. Although I am new to the stand-up thing, I have realised it is something I want to do so badly. It is so addictive.
I was hoping to get down for Jeez Louise, alas Improv rehearsal committments were too strong to ignore!
Jenny, you are so lucky to have experienced what you have, I am certain, You and comedy were meant to be, you will work it out.
All the best xxxxx
Sandra :)
Hey there Jenny
Hold the grief while I tap you for information. How accurate was that transcription? You're on the ground in Melbourne. If they've decided on the wildcards, have they told people yet? I haven't found any blogs of people jumping up and down with glee. I was waiting for news to. I guess it's not going to come for me either. Essentially, do you know if people have been contacted or not?
Anonymous - the transcription was completely accurate. As far as telling people, I can only assume that they have, but I guess if you wanted to make 100% sure you might want to get in touch with them. I can tell you for certain that the decisions have been made though.
Good luck!
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