Happy Halloween y'all!

So Halloween has begun! It really is like a week-long festival here, with the kids having a total of four Halloween parties between now and the event itself - and that's just at last count.

Anyhoo, the long and the short of it is that we're actually really getting into the whole thing. Who woulda thunk? Halloween is actually a pretty rocking idea.

I'm writing my next column on it, so will save my pearls of wacky waffle for that, but in the meantime, here's a little visual summary. Bon Apetit. (Hey, it's as close as I'm getting to speaking French here).

Above: Tim's first attempt at a jack-o-lantern. Apparently it's kinda addictive. Brings new meaning to the words 'Pumpkin Patch'...

Poor guy. We were going to try to incorporate the crutches into his get-up somehow, but then figured there's nothing quite like a costume that doesn't actually make sense, is there?

And finally...the outfits that scared our own children: introducing The Glampires. Is it wrong to love dressing up so much?

When the going gets good, the good gets blogging

Okay, so when I asked you guys to cross your fingers ready for me to get some corporate work, you did, didn't you? Bless your little cottonsocks, you must have instantly adopted the pretzel position, the lot of you - forming a neat little packet of twisted limbness across the globe - cos damn, straight, things are starting to fire up.

*a gigantic hooch of happiness echoing throughout the mountains*

Last night had my first official comedy gig with Canucks watching, with a 20 minute set in Calgary run by the Calgary FunnyFest. And I'm walking on sunshine. I was desperately itchy to perform and so was a little nervous to see how rusty I might be, but I'm happy to say that to my surprise, my elation to be onstage just took over and *gasp, shock* I had the BEST time. I hearted it muchly, got bought a round of drinks from a couple of audience members and floated away into the night like a marshmallow dove who's found an extra floaty cloud.

Much, much adoration and bouquets of loveliness to my friend Tracie for driving me down to Calgary, letting me crash her special time between her and her little dude (when we first arrived at the venue where I was to spend the next four hours waiting until the gig began - how shall we say this politely, uh...not the Ritz? - she turned to me, tilted her head and said: "So, would you like to come to dinner with us?" and I nodded with the enthusiasm of a bobble-headed car mascot) and then hanging around late to drive me back. You darling.

But the big news.....I'm so stoked, I actually don't feel tired. And that never happens. I got a call this morning asking me to MC at the upcoming Laughter Gone Wild event at the Banff Centre, featuring as headliners none other than Second City. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!

I've gotta stop screaming here, or the locals are going to come and hunt me down.

You know the funniest thing though? When I spoke to the lady on the phone this morning, she said "I saw your column in the paper actually."

I said: "Oh! And you still want to hire me?"

I guess it's true. All publicity is good publicity.

Opportunity for you funner buggers out there...

Dun-Right.com is looking to establish itself as a place where talented humor columnists, both seasoned and novices, can post some of their original (real or fiction) and previously unpublished stories/narratives. We are fairly new, and fairly poor, so to start we are offering $1 to writers whose submissions we post on the site. If your submission is really funny, it will be put to a vote with other really funny submissions from that week. If voted funniest article of the week, you win $20. As the site continues to gain momentum, we are hoping to increase the prize money that we can award to our talented writers. With your support, more traffic = more clicks on our ads = more prize money we can pay out. If you have a site that you want to promote, we are happy to accomodate by placing a link to your site with any submission we post. If you have any other ideas how we can help eachother out, we are all ears! Thanks very much!

Your questions answered!!!

Okay, you wanted it (or maybe you just indulged a poor woman in need) but either way, here ya go!

Mezza asked: What is your improv philosophy?
Wow, good question! Um…hmmm. It’s constantly evolving, I think. Like when I started it was just ‘Who cares whether the audience thinks I’m an idiot? Tomorrow morning I’ll be wiping asses and cleaning up baby spew, so let’s just have fun!’ whereas now it’s more ‘Who care whether the audience thinks I’m an idiot? Tomorrow morning I’ll be making lunches and getting prepped for pre-school, so let’s just have fun!’

Okay, I kid. (A little).

At the moment I’m reading this fantastic book called The Art of Comedy by Paul Ryan, which talks about achieving ‘comedic freedom’, which is something I’m really focused on right now. It’s probably better in his words: “…being able to use your mind and body without any constraints or inhibitions. Comedy freedom is a state of mind that allows you to be funny without any limits. Something takes over your mind and body, and you enter into a natural state of flow. You stop analyzing what you are doing and worrying about what other people are thinking. Many sides of your brain are working at the same time – all in the service of your comedy.”

The other part of my philosophy right now is based on keeping it real. i.e. Not trying to be funny, but just staying focused on the reality of the situation. There’s a terrific story Jamie Dawson from Qld Theatre Company told me years and years ago, about a young actor playing in a production with Laurence Olivier. Night after night, the young actor’s line where he would ask for a cup of tea would arouse a massive eruption of laughter from the audience. Then suddenly, a few weeks into the run and seemingly with no reason, the laughs stopped coming.

The bewildered young actor turned to Olivier for advice. “I don’t understand!” he said. “Every night that got a laugh and now, nothing!”

Oliver turned to him and replied: “That’s because you used to ask for a cup of tea. Now you ask for a laugh.”

I love that.

Not sure if it answers the question, but I love that.

***
Then, dear Lou proved herself to be the Shanghai-aboding Oprah:

1. Favourite potato chips flavour.
Barbecue. Though given the choice, good old corn chips are my fave.



2. Most stupid thing you regret doing.
Dyeing my hair black, then back to blonde, which wasn’t blonde but in fact patchy orange/blonde/insert foul rust-coloured colour here. Actually, remembering that has made me realize how much of a mistake it really was – given that I’ve been contemplating going brunette lately, I think you’ve helped me make my decision. Ta!

Oh and accidentally getting so written off on my final night of university that I got sent home in a cab by 7.30 and missed out on saying a final goodbye to EVERYBODY.

3. Most stupid thing you DON'T regret doing.
Getting unexpectedly up the duff.

4. Pan or thin crust Pizza?
Thin. With barbecue sauce.


5. If you could chose one song- and only one- to be the soundtrack to your life, what would it be?
While the Muppet anthem and the theme tune from Punky Brewster are up there, it has to be One Night in Bangkok. While I can’t explain it, something about those beats and those chords, ALWAYS gets me pumped. (Don’t tell anybody but one of my greatest dreams is to perform my parody of it at some massive awards show. Why they’d want a song on childbirth doing the honours, I have no idea, but viva la fantasy! But please...that's just between us.)


6. If you can arrange it, what will be your last dying words?
"And they said taking an elephant sky-diving was dangerous.”


7. Who would play you in the movie about your life?
Oh boy. It would have to be someone with such incredible range, to go from the riveting highs of world domination to the blistering lows of writhing in a gutter singing ‘All by myself’…

That is a toughie. Okay: Goldie Hawn. Though there are some logistical issues there, from the fact that she’d be well over 90 by the time I’m even possibly approaching biography worthy, to the fact we have rather different boobies. But this is ideal-world where we frolick, is it not?

8. Tell us about your most embarrassing moment.
Well, it has to do with the birthing process and I'm pretty sure nobody here really wants me to go there.

How bout this then? Performing One Night in Labour a couple of years ago at Melbourne Comedy Fest, in front of an 8-person crowd, 7 of whom were pensioners. Not only did I do my pensioner joke but I then launched into my childbirth song – as I was reenacting the journey down the birth canal: DEAD SILENCE. I realized at that exact moment the value of a) tailoring your material for your audience and b) laughing through pain. I just giggled through the rest of the song.

9. Top ten most valuable things you've learned as a mother.
1. Hi-Five sucks.
2. At the end of your life, all your dreams and goals – however fabulous - may have forgotten about you, but your family, friends and loved ones are the ones who’ll be there to buy you a new walker. So invest wisely.
3. People with immaculate houses have dull lives. (Actually, I haven't learned that so much as read it on a fridge magnet somewhere and okay, I actually know people with immaculate houses who are quite rocking, but…it’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.)
4. No matter how many books you read, how many women you talk to or how many comedy songs on the subject you see performed…NOTHING can prepare you for childbirth.
5. Time goes way too fast and is more precious than the Ring to rule them all.
6. Being productive isn’t the best way to spend all of your time. There ain't no outcome to cuddles, but doesn't mean they're not delicious as choccie mousse. Which is my favourite ever food by the way. Not that you asked...
7. That said, when you do need to be productive, having kids is massively motivating - cos you have no time to waste!
8. It really doesn’t matter what anybody else in the world thinks of me, my kids think I’m the most hilarious, comedy gold-mining, fabulous person on the planet.
9. You need to pick your battles.
10. If you’re pregnant with your second, while your first has a nasty habit of running out onto the road and you are so overloaded that you can’t catch her? Do get a fence.

10. Who are your favourite bloggers.... (Of course you have to say me....heheh) no, seriously- recommend some reading for us.
They’re all pretty much on my links bar already. But of particular note right now the ones I dig very muchly are:
- GirlClumsy
- Me Myself Eye
- Rockstar Mommy
- And you. Of course!
- I’m also ashamed to admit I’m kinda hooked on gossip blogs. Oh the shame. But in my defence, they are great comedic fodder.

And finally, RN Buffoon asked:
How about " Tell us all about the day/night you met you hubby Tim?"

Well, I think this blog entry is quite long enough. So...stay tuned! How bout a sexy visual teaser for you in the meantime?



HAWT.

And in breaking news...

Tim's busted his knee. He hasn't broken it - as would have been disastrous though allowed for a beautifully poetic blog title to accompany this entry - but seems to have torn a ligament or something like that. Bottom line is he can't even walk and is gonna be bed-bound (and might I add, unable to work and thus make a crust) for ??? days. AGH!!!!!!

If everybody could just start crossing everything for me to start getting some juicy corporate gigs soon, that would be SWEET.

Ta!

PS Thanks for the questions thus far - wow, meaty! I'll get to them soon, cwoss my heart. :-)

Fire at will.

Okay, so I'm feeling a little stumped with what to write at the moment.

What? YOU, Comic Mummy? Stumped? Impossible! You are...how do you say, unstumpable, no?!

I'll stop that now. Forgive me...it was kinda amusing while I was writing it in a French accent.

Anyhoo, I've decided to do something I've seen other bloggers do before...

What? YOU, Comic Mummy? Plagiarise ideas from others' bloggers? Impossible! You are...how do you s-

Okay. Seriously. Stopping. Now.

...and invite you to ask any question you like, on any topic, whatever and I'll answer it. It'll be my next blog post. It may be mildly entertaining, I guess that's at least partly up to you.

Let em roll, baby!

A terrifying Halloween borne of a head-cold

Forgive me for my brief entries of late, I've been a little under the weather. Buried under it in fact - my kids have been digging for days trying to find me and now: woot! Here I am. Still under the weather, but getting closer to the surface.

(Note: please ignore this entire entry. As I've pointed out before, medication does strange things to the human mind, never more tangibly expressed than in written outpourings.)

Anyway, the point is, I've been pretty well housebound, with which kids in tow, can be more revolting than some of the lipo-suction stunts I've heard about in Dirty Sanchez. So...I've turned to the wondrous internet to provide me with some homemade Halloween decorations, to keep the kids entertained. I can't tell you how painful this is - I HATE crafts. Namely cos I have massive fingers and while they come in handy for piano-playing, they're crapola when it comes to fiddly 'fine motor skills' type stuff. But...I was desperate. So I gave it a shot.

To give you an idea of how much I struggle with this, here is what our 'pipecleaner spiders' were SUPPOSED to look like:


Pretty cool, huh? This was what our spiders ACTUALLY look like:

Stop laughing. It's insulting.

Then, of course, there's our themed wall...(if you look real close you'll see Caleb's contribution down the bottom left) and yes, I tried to 'design' (translation = hack out of cardboard at random will) the cut-outs myself.

And let's not even talk about the ghosts... Ooh yeah. Halloween in our household is going to be terrifying, alright.

All hail the mighty Chris Rock

I've never been a massive fan, but obviously I've been watching the wrong stuff. Cos MAN Chris Rock is unbelievable. He is so good, he can get away with saying the most unbelievable things and yet speaks with such unashamed confidence - and wit - that he pulls it off.

I'm a convert. Chris Rock - you da man!

New column: 'Would the Real Turkey Please Stand Up'

As promised, here is the full account of my life-changing encounter with my first Thanksgiving turkey.

And it's all true.

I'm turning Canadian, oh yes, I'm turning Canadian, I really think so...

I caught myself saying "staff" the other day - as in "ST-AAAAAAA-F". What the?

Then there's the fact that the Cayman has called me "Mom" at least twice.

Not to mention Ella's pleas of "Let's go to the store and get some candy."

We've only been here a little over six weeks - is this what happens? At this rate, by the time we set foot back in Oz we're going to be sweating maple syrup. Help!

5 Things I'm, like, WAY into right now

1. Corner Gas - a very quirky, very Canadian and VERY hilarious sit-com, which, apparently, every Canadian with a pulse (and believe me, there are a few) is pretty well into. You can check out some video clips on the website, I'm not sure whether they do the whole show justice, as I definitely had to watch a full episode before I really 'got' the characters and so on, but still...give it a bash. Eh?

2. Tim Minchin's new website - ah, he really just is so flipping cool, isn't he? In that wonderful self-deprecating way.
*bursting into Jeremy Jordan track* I wanna be just like you, I wanna be just the same...
Anyhoo, check him out. AND...he's going to start cracking the USA as of a month or so. Tres cool. (Damn, I wish you could write 'tres' and actually seem cool instead of a tosser).

3. Feeling like a celebrity when people recognise me from my newspaper column. Okay, so 'celebrity' is a bit much, it's only been four people who've recognised me thus far, but one of them was a very lovely grandmother who took it upon herself to introduce me to her daughter (and mother of two kiddlies herself) who promptly invited our whole family to stay with them in Montreal any time we like. Uh...like, yes please! Like, for next year's Just for Laughs Comedy Festival! AGH!

4. Watching more comedy than I've ever watched in my entire life. Seriously, it's like having my own at-home comedy festival. I'm doing some casual shifts at the local video store you see, and, while it is nothing short of humbling to go from earning a pretty okay living doing 20 minutes of comedy a night back in Oz, to...well, working for hours in a video store, the harsh reality right now is that we need whatever dosh we can get. Plus the people are nice, I need friends (can you ever write that and not sound desperate?) and I'm seriously consoling myself by working my way through their superb collection of stand-up. Thus far I've checked out George Carlin, Jerry Seinfeld, Tracey Ullman, Ellen Degeneres, Richard Pryor, Jim Belushi, Gilda Radner, Bill Maher, plus heaps of compilations and have been taking notes the whole way. And I've still got about another 70+ DVDs to get through. Rock.

5. And finally, these. They're gonna be the death of me.

WordFest!

So last night was lovely - it was so funny to observe the similar dynamics between the in-group of writers, as is present when hanging with comics. All in all, the event went really well. I must admit, I was a little nervous just beforehand, seeing as this is my first gig since leaving Oz some six weeks ago.

As I was readying myself, I got an unexpected boost from my 5-year-old.

Ella: "Where are you going?"

Me: "I've got a gig."

(Bear in mind back in Oz when I was in the midst of gig craziness every single week, this would usually be met with a reaction of 'Oh, not again! I don't want you to go!')

Ella: "Have you really Mum? That's GREAT!"

So I set off with a smile. The words of advice I received a few months back from Brissie comedy legend Fred Lange rang in my ear - "When you're MCing, you don't even have to be funny at all. It's not about you. It's about keeping things rolling, making sure it all ties together...and if you're funny, well, that's a bonus."

Indeedly.

Joel Thomas Hynes, ignoring the cool air (well, it was cool to me) with cigarette in hand, was the first writer I met immediately upon rocking up to the Banff Centre. Dubbed the 'bad boy' of Canadian literature, my first impression of him was that he reminded me of a young Russell Crowe. Not in looks, but more the attitude. Cool, aloof and you suspected, brilliant.

Me: "Hi, I'm Jenny."

Joel: "Jenny. That's my girlfriend's name."

Me: "Oh good, well it'll be easy to remember then. And this is Kelly." (the lovely lass who chauffeured me about all evening).

Kelly: "Hi."

Joel: "Kelly. That's my girlfriend's name."

Smooth.

Next I met Ray Robertson, author of the truly excellent What Happened Next, the story of what happened after Jack Kerouac's On the Road, and I can honestly say I'm hooked on it, only six chapters in. We had more of a chat at the end of the night when we were chauffeured together back to our respective abodes, talking about writing, 'big breaks' versus 'the snowballing effect', Toronto and the decision to have (or not have) kids. A really talented and friendly man.

Finally there was my fellow Aussie-in-crime at the event, Morganics. Man oh man. Not only is he one of the most approachable, down-to-earth fellas you're likely to meet, but he is UNBELIEVABLY talented. I must confess, I've never been a huge hip-hop fan, but last night really changed something. He performed some pieces without backing - really allowing the poetry of the work to ring through - then pieces with his recording-on-the-spot device (the Loopstation, one of which I want so badly I'd almost fight a grizzly for it) and performed over the top of that. But it was his improvised (or freestyle, as is the hip-hop term) pieces at the end which blew my mind. Taking suggestions from the audience, he rapped at the pace of a steroid-pumped Olympian, rhyming, chiming and otherwise climbing (that's my attempt, there you go) the heights of hip-hop off the top of his head. Just amazing. I do hope I get to catch up with him again before the end of the festival and pick his brain on his technique!

So the Mountain Bistro at Banff was our setting, nicely full without being overcrowded, plenty of wine flowing and suitably writers-festish lighting (let your imagination do with that what you will). Judging by the audience reaction, everybody enjoyed themselves. The readings were great, it flowed smoothly, people paid attention until the end and there was suitable mingling afterward.

Then just as I was about to pat myself on the back for conquering the first Canadian gig hurdle, Joel Thomas Hynes gave me a nudge: "Uh, just so you know, 'Newfie' is not a particularly desirable term."

Let me explain. Joel is from Newfoundland - and so I, having heard that the colloquial term for someone from Newfoundland (one of Canada's states, but not always so) is a 'Newfie', I immediately thought 'how great!' and thought I'd chuck it in my introduction! My first gig here and I'll show 'em how I really care enough about Canadian culture to do my homework! Uh...except not.

Me: "Oh?! Really?"

Him: "Yeah."

Me: "Oh. I thought it just meant Newfoundlander."

Him: "Well, it does, but it's not something that people necessarily like to be called. It's okay, I know you didn't realise what you were saying could be taken badly."

Me: "No I didn't, thanks."

Pause.

Me: "So um, it's not like as bad as saying 'nigger' or something, is it?"

Pause.

*my heart sinking into the pit of my lower intestine*

Him: "Well..."

GULP.

So let's hope like hell this isn't a sign of things to come. My first gig in Canada and I just used a semi racial expletive to introduce a famous author. Thank heavens he was nice about it. As for the rest of the audience, I'm just waiting for the rumours to spread throughout Banff about the ignoramus racist ho from Down Under who nobody should ever hire lest she introduce the guest speaker onstage as a member of the Third Reich.

Let this be a lesson to y'all - if you're gonna do your homework, make sure you double-check it!!!

Go Comic Mummy.

Give me a 'C'!

All systems are go!

It's been a great week on the news front.

Firstly, my Mum's just gotten back some test results and looks like her blood count is normal. WOOHOO! She is having some more tests done in a couple of weeks, but thus far it's looking great. I didn't tell you guys this, cos I didn't want to dwell on the bad - as you know I have a disturbing tendency to insist the glass is half full and when it's not I simply ignore the other half - but just after I got to Canada we found out that Mum did indeed have cancer. Rather distressing to say the least. Anyway, according to her it's not a bad type of cancer (as I said to Mum 'is that even possible?') and she only had to have a few sessions of chemo, but it's a new chemo that doesn't make you completely sick or your hair fall out or anything. Bottom line: she's finished off the sessions, is feeling much better, her spleen isn't enlarged anymore so all the signs are good. I want to shout from the mountain-tops right now - and I couldn't be in a better place to fulfil that desire literally.

Speaking of all things literal - hey, you like my segue? - tomorrow night's the night I'll be MCing at Wordfest, the Banff/Calgary International Writers Festival, and I have gone from nervous to panicked to finally fully pumped and enthused in the space of the past week. Now I cannot WAIT!

I've also had some more very exciting doors start to open, but will keep my cards close to my chest until further notice. But damn, after spending the past couple of weeks feeling a little down and doubtful about whether we've made the right choice in coming here, it sure is nice to be finally feeling like stuff is starting to pay off.

And finally...we got the kids Halloween costumes this week! As you know, I'm no longer posting pics of my kids to the public anymore, but I feel it falls within the guidelines to at least show you this little sneak preview.

But may his true identity remain forever private.

New column and childish innuendo

Okay, firstly, you can check out my latest column in the Canmore Leader by clicking here!

And finally, we just got home from the library and I realised that one of the book's the Cayman picked out is kinda weird. Whaddya think?

Should I be worried?

Will the real turkey please stand up?

So it being our first Thanksgiving and all, I cooked my first turkey today! A day later than the actual event, but given that we have no family here to celebrate with *sob sob* it hardly seems to matter.

It was life-changing. It was sensual. And I think I'll be fighting the gag reflex for the rest of my life.

I'm going to be writing my next column all about it, so will save the full debrief in all its sordid foulness - no pun intended - for then.

Until then...

*gobble gobble gobble*

And now for some better news...

I can't really say too much at the moment, lest things don't work out - as I've come to realise over the years, in the creative industries it seems you can get your hopes up about a billion things a year which end up falling through for no good reason other than 'that's life' - but suffice to say for now that some exciting things are shaping up.

*doing the mysterious cape over shoulder thing*

But...one little story I can tell you:

Last Thursday I had an audition of sorts with the local radio station here, namely to do the weekend announcing shift. I was pretty excited about it, even though it wasn't exactly my dream job - while they were open to working with my comedic background, they were more looking for a pretty straight 'back-announce the tracks/talk a bit/keep the music going' kinda person. Anyhoo, I thought I did okay, but not fabulous - then after chatting with hubby I decided it probably wouldn't work out anyway, given that this would then mean giving up a huge portion of every single weekend, putting pressure on the family and our ability to travel out of the area for festivals and so on. In other words, we were pretty much looking on the bright side of having stuffed up the audition.

THEN...da, da, da, da...I got a call from the station offering me the job! Dilemmas...I told them that I'd love to do it but would they be open to having me just one day a week instead of two, and/or finding someone to fill in a day every other week. He asked the big boss, but the answer was no. Understandably. They need someone who can commit to the whole thing.

BUT...then he asked if I'd be keen to develop some comedy characters who can phone into the morning session regularly, to bring a bit more humour to the show. Yee-haw! This is so up my alley, awesome experience and perfect in that I can work it in around the fam.

Now all I have to do is work on perfecting my Canadian accent. Excuse me...

'I knoo Noo York. I need Noo YoRk. I knoo I need unique Noo YoRk.'

New toys and new goals: I'm going public!

I bit the bullet today and bought a schmicko new keyboard - my new toy, bigger and better than the old one I left behind in Oz - and eagerly awaiting friendship from my fingertips. I'm half tempted to set my alarm a little earlier each morning for some committed practice time...but I'm already so committed to sleep...

This purchase has refreshed my enthusiasm for getting my act together and as such, I've decided that my goals for the next little while are:

- to set up a regular comedy gig locally, specifically so I can try out new material as I write it for my new festival show;

- to get a North American agent who will either find me lots of gigs, organise a tour following the Banff Centre residency, kick-start me on the TV route and/or all of the above;

and

- get some more paid writing work.

Oh well, I've gone public with it now - hopefully the fear of shame will drive me towards success. Either that, or towards rehab. Stay tuned!

David Letterman, you still got it!