The other morning, I was completely pumped and ready to charge out the door on time. Miracle. Lunches packed, bags ready, everybody dressed and rearing to go. Victory was mine. Then...
Cay: "I need to go toilet."
Me: "No, no you don't. Not really. Just hold it. Like this, see?" (Picture me scrunching my face like a tissue. Or something).
Cay: "YES! I NEED go toilet!"
Me: "Nah...let's just wait..."
Cay: "TOILET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me: "Okay. I surrender."
CUT TO:
35 minutes later, me now completely stressed and running late for my corporate character gig, Caleb's appetite for sitting on the toilet completely satiated (allow me to stress here that he does not suffer from constipation, just from an apparent obsession with taking his time with cleaning the pipes.)
Oh the humanity.
*Note 1: if you are at all grossed out by the contents within this blog, I do apologise. But then again, I feel all things considered, I was rather subtle. Ehem.
*Note 2: if Caleb, you are reading this in years to come and you are horrified at the notion of me publicising your bowel life on the internet, then I do apologise. But then again, you did far worse to me in childbirth so consider us even.
*Note 3: if anyone reading this has actual suggestions that may help, please comment away. Serious or otherwise.
That is all.
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4 comments:
Hi CM,
You could always bribe him. The simple way out, offer junk food. The creative way out, "Come on Caleb, we need to go. We might see elephants on the streets going to work at the zoo."
Other than that, maybe suggest the toilet is broken, so you will have to find another one.
HooRoo
Rebecca
Teach him to whistle Dixie Chicks songs to pass the time?
Just a suggestion.
Two words:
Poo. Races.
Making it a sport will be sure to bring out his competitive spirit. Although it may warp him in unexpected ways. But that will just make for more entertainment in the years to come, right?
Right.
Rebecca - Junk food was what got me into this mess in the first place. He used to refuse to do number twos on the loo til I introduced chocolate as a reward. It was all downhill (or down pipe) from there...
rn_buffoon - The whistling I can handle, but Dixie Chicks (or any country music for that matter) will only see both of us on the toilet. And that would suck.
Anon - Good in theory, tho I can see it backfiring (no pun intended). Ella will want to be in on the poo race, they'll both be clambering to be first on the toilet, the shit will hit the fan... Fun in theory, but uh...
PS I'm so chuffed that you've all actually put some thought into this. What a lovely bunch y'all are. xx
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