American Television, how do I miss thee...

On my flight to LA last year, as I attempted to drown my nerves in vodka and orange, the American girl sitting next to me said "Oh my God Jenny, you are going to laugh so much at our television."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Her: "All I'm saying is, you will be blown away. It's just ridiculous."

Cut to that night (or the next...between jet-lag and time-zones, who even keeps track of these things?). I got to my hotel room, showered off, had a good cry as I came to terms with being on the other side of the globe from my kiddlies, and then popped the telly on. Boy oh boy.

It was ridiculous, in a comedian's wet dream kinda way. I seriously busted a gut laughing on more than one occasion. In fact, I found it so funny that I ended up tape recording about 11 hours worth of it to bring back here with me...little did I know then how expensive it is to transfer formats - oh well, at least I'll have hours of televised gold ready to view when I get back to that dear continent.

I particularly remember three things:

1. Nancy Grace, my first EVER experience of American TV. (For the unanointed, picture Naomi Robson as a southern American belle but with bigger balls and a sadistic taste for re-hashing horrendous events in excruciating spelled-out detail). I felt disturbed, violated and physically ill - and that was just the first two minutes.

2. Outback Jack, the entire series of which I watched with glee with Lizzy's family on my one weekend off on the whole trip. I think it did screen here too, but it was just so much better watching these American princesses vying for the attention of a supposed 'typical' Aussie bloke (whateverrrr....) while being in their homeland.

3. American Big Brother. Oh boy this cracked me up. The narrator was like someone from the world wrestling: "Big Brother's BACK! He's BIGGER! And he's NOT HAPPY!" This was followed by footage of some very angry looking housemates screaming at each other, chucking tantrums and throwing chairs. I remember chuckling at how far removed this seemed from our very laid-back version...yet this season it seems like chair-throwing might actually be in the air (no pun intended).

American TV - it's no New York, but I am looking forward to getting back to it.