So the presentation ceremony for the Lord Mayor's Fellowship is on tomorrow morning and - being the stand-up comedian of the group and thus presumably the most comfortable with public speaking - I have been asked to give a five-minute speech on behalf of all the recipients.
In front of a room comprising mainly fellowship people, Brisbane City Council staff, media reps and...the Lord Mayor.
I'm not extraordinarily nervous, I mean it's just a speech - it's not like I even need to make them laugh or anything - but I also don't want to stutter, slur or slip up. In short, I don't want to look like a complete nork-tube from hell. Thus it's gotten me contemplating...
The 5 Worst Things to Say at a Presentation Ceremony where the Media and/or Lord Mayor of Your City is Present
1. "When I found out I'd been awarded money to travel abroad, my first thought was "Wohoo! Finally, I can get the hell out of this hell-hole!"
2. "I was planning on doing some training in the States, but I've since realised that if I used the money to move to Mongolia I could survive on yak's milk for around four decades. So thanks City Council...I'll send you a post-card in 2034."
3. "I'm not even a real emerging artist: I just thought I'd give this grant thing a shot! Cheers!"
4. "My grant money went for a little walky and somehow ended up at The Casino...um....any chance of a top-up?"
5. "Meeeekin murrgin blllllugh tequila bluuuuuurrsh..."
Wish me luck!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
You are too hilarious! Break a leg! We all know you'll do great and be hilarious!
Note to self ..... "Wohoo! Finally, I can get the hell out of this hell-hole!".....Not something to say...thanks. lol!!
Good luck with the speech...and hopefully your little peanut does not scream from the back row...'Momma's going away, Momma's going away????' Pause... Deep Breath and then hopefully your peanut does not SCREAM 'Don't Go Mommy!!! Please don't goooooooo'
When I was 21 I was awarded a Young Australian of the Year award for my region. The ceremony would have been fine if three of my friends and I had not drunk 5 jugs of Sangria the night before (5 JUGS!!).
When it came time to give my acceptance speech I couldn't even take off my dark sunglasses, and had to cut the speech short to go out behind the marquee and vomit.
"Young Australian of the Year" and "seedy hangover culminating in public spew" are generally not phrases that go together, and I'm sure the mayor was wondering what on earth the judges were thinking.
Try not to reek of Sangria, and keep your breakfast down, and I think you'll be great!
Kristen - awww thanks!
Sharpie - yes, thankfully I managed to steer my lips away from those utterances.
pendullum - Oh you needn't have worried - I left both my little peanuts far, far away...
Louise - that is absolutely hilarious!!! I don't think I could top that even if I tried. Which I can't. So I won't. Thanks for sharing! LOL
Well I hoped you said thanks to Mrs S, Alex & 4ZZZ ;) .
Man I wish Sydney had the same kind of cool grant opportunities Brisbane does...
Post a Comment