Here's....JENNY!

That was meant to be a reference to The Shining, by the way.

Yeah, so I'm back from holidays and shock of all shocks...I am actually relaxed. Those of you with kiddly-winks will no doubt back me up here (come on, back me up, back me up!) when I say that sometimes you venture out on a holiday with the little tikes, only to return twice as exhausted and in need of a fine-looking strait-jacket. But not this time, me hardies...life is looking good.

I'll post some photos and stuff as soon as I can (be bothered, that is) but until then, I'll leave you with these little tid-bits:

1. I'm actually going to be away all weekend, meaning another few days with no blogging action. Cue music: No blogging, no cry... Look at me, I'm the blogging equivalent to a teenager, just popping in to say the dutiful hellos, change my clothes and get back to partying. So...toodles, be good and I'll see you Monday?

2. Conversation of the week...

Me: So Ella, what's the meaning of life?

Ella: Ummmm....lions and tigers.

Me: So animals are the meaning of life?

Ella: No, just being funny.

Me: Oh, so life's funny.

Ella: Yeah. But you're not funny.

*dramatic pause*

Me: Oh. Oh damn.

Ella: No, I was just kidding you mama. You're funny.

Me: Oh, thank heavens for that, I thought I'd lost my calling.

*slightly less dramatic pause, but a pause nonetheless*

Ella: Lions and tigers are funny.

THE END

The meaning of life. You heard it here first.

An Ode to My Cyber-Mates

Just before I head off (oh, shock horror, three whole days!!! Hey, you knew I was a drama-queen when you entered into this), I just wanted to say how much I love you guys.

No really. I DO. It's weird but you - my blogging posse (can you feel the bling bling? Ow! It's getting hot in here, so take off all your cl- okay, sorry I'll stop now...) - know this whole other side to me that even many of my nearest and dearest mates don't. It's not EVERY side of me, but it is a vital side, none the less. Hell, who else is going to indulge my need to self-flagellate, my desire for attention and my lust for rabbiting on?!?!?!

Er...you, apparently.

So, at the risk of sounding like a drunken slorry: AAAAAAHHHHH luv yer!!!!!!

See you in a few days.

x

*The author of this post meant in no way to be misleading by mentioning the word 'ode' in the subject title. The contents within are not an ode at all, but rather just a nice tribute, or
a thank you card of sorts. The word 'ode' was used purely for the purposes of intrigue, nothing more. Thank you, goodnight and stop being so damn pedantic!

The Comic Mummy's 101st Post!

Haha, just kidding. I could go on forever like this, you know.

So...some lovely things that have happened of late:

- I've discovered an affinity with Winona Ryder and Michael Jackson (amongst others), by becoming strangely reliant on pain-killers this weekend. Yes, I'm happy to report that my back now feels fine, but my mind? Off with the dozens of sparkly little fairies, dancing around the equator of my noggin! Which kinda sucks, but...hey, I'm determined to milk anything even bordering on addiction for all it's worth: I need the street-cred.

- I'm meeting some lovely people on MySpace (though this is probably going to be my next addiction: man I am getting soooo washed up.)

- I've almost finished organising the major parts of the US trip. Now I'm starting to get scared. But you know, scared in a lovely kinda way.

And finally...

- We've booked a family holiday!! As of tomorrow afternoon, we'll be heading down to some rainforest somewhere and staying in a ready-made tent. That's all I know and that's all I need to know. And that it'll just be the four of us...ahhhh. (That might be an 'ahhhh' of relaxation or an 'ahhhh' of terror: only time will tell). So forgive my lack of blogging in the mean-time (unless the addiction truly takes hold in which case Tim will no doubt set each of the kids on me - one per leg - and threaten me with Vin Diesel movies to put me in my place).

But it surely won't get that bad. We'll only be gone for two days, so please. Calm yourself.

The Comic Mummy's 100th Post!

On this land-markish occasion, I wish I had something more land-markish to say.

But I don't. So here's my celebratory gift to you: a pointless cartoon-like photo.

Happy 100 Posts to Me!

Cornflakes or just plain corny?

I thought Click was going to be just another silly Hollywood movie: not that it would even matter if it was: I'm one of those people who just loves going to the movies, regardless of whether the actual film is any good or not. I mean, of course I love it more when it's a good one, but just the experience of going - which to be honest, is sometimes the only way I can find the 'off' switch in this crazy head of mine - is enough. Especially when there's popcorn...mmmmm....

So I went tonight expecting little. What I didn't expect was to be genuinely moved. (Okay, okay, not just moved...I cried. And Leon - shut up.) Look, I'll be straight with you: this isn't the world's best movie and it's certainly got a decent per centage of Hollywood-per-frame, but: it still got to me. So kill me. I won't say much more, but let me share with you just one line:

"The leprechaun goes after the pot of gold, but when he gets there, there is no pot of gold. It's just cornflakes."

What can I say? This movie just made me want to come home, wrap my whole family up in fairy-floss and eat them. Not in a weird psycho-killer kinda way. Just in a lovely Enid Blyton kinda way. Or something. Okay, forget the fairy floss thing, alright? The point is, it made me want to love my family more and stop rushing to the seemingly important goals that turn out to be no more satiating than a bowl of breakfast cereal.

Here's to savouring the little moments. Like this one:

What the???

So there I was, innocently checking out one of my regular haunts, Pink Is The New Blog, when my daughter waltzes in, catches sight of the photo on the homepage and announces with her trademark confidence:

"Mummy, that's you, that's Caleb, and that's daddy back there."

Excuse me a moment while I swallow my pride.

Okay, done. This is the photo she was referring to:

I'm gathering at this point you're either giggling at my pain, or sitting in stunned silence at the image before you. The latter was my reaction.

Thankfully, a couple of minutes later she spotted yet another image, and said: "Mummy, that's you, isn't it?!"

Kid, consider yourself redeemed.

The Defence Rests

"I thought you'd quit comedy, that's what I read on your blog," said Josh.

"Yeah, well I did," I said, "but...um....er...."

Hmmm....

For those of you who were wondering the same thing (and I'm sure there must be at least three of you, but hey...apparently that's my critical mass) I thought I might take this opportunity to explain myself. And in bullet point form, no less.

• Believe it or not, I actually have cut down heaps on the number of gigs I've been doing. If you compare my gig-life now (haha, 'gig-life', sorry I think I just turned 13 again) to my gig-life pre-break, then you would plainly see, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that there's been a serious improvement.
  
• I never said I was divorcing comedy, just taking a break. Admittedly, it seems to have been one of those break-ups where you just can't help yourselves from continually hooking up (and it's even more fun doing so as you've got the heightened naughty factor of knowing that you shouldn't be), but...it's been a break nonetheless.
  
• It's still spinning me out big-time that it was only just as I let go of comedy (i.e. as the centre of my universe) that I landed the hugest career break of my life - the grant. But short of saying 'oh sorry, no, I can't fly to America and study with some of the best comedy people in the world cos me and comedy: we're on a break!' my take on this is that I'm happy it's happened (duh) when it's happened, because now I'll approach it in a way that looks after my family better. Cos, as I've recently realised...*cue Hokey Pokey music* ...that's what it's all about! Hey!

So there. I feel suitably defended.

Toddlers and other bits of grist for the mill

I've been running Toddler Tuesdays this month at my local art gallery and I must tell you, I get ten times more nervous about working with a room full of toddlers than any stand-up gig. This is because:

a) Kids are NEVER afraid to heckle; and

b) When toddlers do heckle, not only do you possess neither the microphone or the permission of the audience to put said heckler in their place, but you have to be nice.

Not that I've been heckled yet. But I always get nervous that I might be. So there you go, moan, moan, moan and all about nothing. Overall I've actually been really enjoying it - the kids are mostly really cute and this morning I even got to meet a little girl with a teddy bear named Buffy. Now THAT is cool.

And...the interview with ABC radio was rather enjoyable (even if I did have to organise to do it by phone at the last minute when my child-minding options went down the metaphorical toilet). My sister taped it for me so eventually I'll get around to transcribing it and pop it up on me ole' website for all of you to read (except for Aussie in the Orient, who lives in China where my website is apparently banned. Rock on Wyntertainment!!! Offending communists since 1979...)

I even got a phonecall straight after the interview from Kelly Devine-Higgins, asking if she could get me into the studio again for a follow-up interview once I get back in August.

So rocka rocka RAR!!! (Sorry, that used to be a cool war-cry. I've gotta stop living in the past...)

Viva Las Vegas and search engine thingies

The King lives!!! Wow, all I've seen of Vegas thus far is their online range of wacky hotels on offer and already my mind is reeling with the crazed sensations of a city gone mad. Seriously, sussing out my potential abode during my four-days there has seen me encounter hotels with their own 360 degree-view restaurants, 24-hour-a-day buffets and wait for it...roller-coasters in the lobby!

I was incredibly tempted by the latter, just so I could say that I'd been there, done that, but in the end I favoured the much more sensible criteria of location: right down the street from where I'll be training. How responsible. Anyone'd think I was a mum or something.

Still, it's pretty damn nice methinks...mind you, these days anywhere I can sleep with ZERO chance of being woken up by a demanding child rates five stars in my book. Check it out.

In completely unrelated and quite time-wasting blather, I just worked out how to view the most popular google searches that people have used to find my blog. These were some of my favourites:

"happy graduation card for my mummy"
Awww.....

"selfish woman"
Ouch.....

"labour lyrics"
Honey, if you're singing in labour, then newsflash: you're not in labour....

"ella's huge tantrum"
My daughter's on the Internet!!! (I hope I'll always say that with nothing other than pride).

"wacky family blog"
Damn, I think they're onto us...

"tim minchin mobile number"
There's only one thing I love more than optimism and that's naieve optimism. (And no Leon, I still can't spell 'naieve')

"Mummy I need to go pee"
Mummy doesn't need to know that. Just GO!

Interview on ABC Radio

Oh and one last plug (while I'm in the shameless mood): I'm being interviewed by Kelly Higgins-Divine tomorrow afternoon on ABC radio, to chat about the USA trip and more.

When: Tuesday 20th June, 3.45pm

Frequency: 612 AM radio

HOOORRAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some shameless plugs

Firstly, the Blogging Chicks Carnival is on! Honestly, the more I delve into the delights of the blogosphere, the further removed my brain becomes from my body.

Secondly, may I present my first ever (and possibly the last) special offer on the Comic Mummy blog. That's right: (you have to say 'that's right' in any promotion, don't you?) if you live in Brisbane and are looking to fill this Wednesday night with merriment, mirth and me (not necessarily in that order, nor indeed are these things necessarily even related at all) then come along to Wednesday Night Live!

Okay Jen, you say, but where's the special offer? Haha, you little Einstein you. Drop me a line and I'll send you a 2-4-1 voucher. Two tickets, one entry fee. Exclusive to friends of the Comic Mummy! (Well, no, it's not really, but that just sounds so much better, doesn't it?)

But yes, 2-4-1 tickets: get'em fast. If that's not cool, then neither is spandex. So there.

2 Cool Things That Happened This Weekend

1. Interviewed two guys from The Butterfly Effect on Triple Zed (in character as rural matriarch Mrs Sorenson, no less). What lovely young men. Ah. That said, I think its a travesty that someone like me should be getting up close and personal with cool musos like that, seeing as I know absolutely nothing about them. Comedians, yep, filmmakers, yep, musicians, not a clue.

Then again, it is kinda cool because:

a) I don't get starstruck or stressed out at the prospect of interviewing them (but comics...well, that's another matter)

b) Interviewing them in character is so much more fun anyway, and it makes perfect sense (in fact, I reckon it makes it better) that my character would no nothing about them anyway. It's my thing. Right? Right??!

2. Saw Tripod's whole show tonight, absolutely loved it (as I said to them: "it made me fall in love with musical comedy all over again...") and then better still, when I went up to them afterwards to say hi and gush and all that, what conversation should ensue but...

Yonnie: "Hey, we saw your set last week, by the way."

Gatesy: "Yeah, you were great!"

Yonnie: "Yeah, well done!"

Me: "Thanks...I-" (witty yet humble response interrupted by body falling into a pile of flattered gooey marshmallow on the Powerhouse floor)

So yeah...all in all, it's been a good weekend. :-)

Favourites schmavourites

Ella: "Hey Mummy..."

Me: "Yes?"

Ella: "Daddy's my favourite, but don't worry...I still love you and Caleb."

Me: "Oh that's nice honey...hang on, WHAT?"

***

I relayed this to Tim, who tried to hide his amused pleasure with a look of sympathy and an attempt to reason with our increasingly un-PC daughter.

Him: "We don't have favourites Ella. We all love each other the same!"

Ella: "Yeah, I know that Daddy. But I like you the best."

Ouch.

But before Tim could console me, I shook it off, shrugged and said "Yeah, well once I'm in America and I'm the one who hardly sees the kids all week, then maybe I'll be the favourite. Huh? Huh? HUH?! Put that in your super-daddy pipe and smoke it!"

See? I'm so above that 'favourites' rubbish. I am, how you say? "Untouchable."

(Ouch.)

From the mouths of comics

Had two inspiring conversations with comics tonight, both of whom supported Jody Ekert's show, which I MC-ed. Anyway, I thought I might share bits of them here (or just record them for my own sake: yeah, I'm completely self-indulgent like that).

The first was a chat with young thang Ben Zabel, after I relayed the irony of having pushed and pushed at the comedy thing, but only once I'd FINALLY let go of it did the hugest career break of my life come a-knocking.

Him: "That's exactly like Helen Hunt. She said to herself that all she ever wanted was a part in a Woody Allen film, she was ringing his agent and ringing his agent and never heard a thing. Then she finally went 'oh well, I give up,' and of course the very next day, who rings her and offers her a part in Curse of the Jade Scorpian? Woody."

Dramatic silence.

Him: "Of course, it was a shit film...but hey: it was her dream and it came true. What a lightbulb moment. Oprah! Hello!"

The second was with one of the funniest new comics I've met yet, Ms. Hannah Gatsby (who won the nationals of this year's Raw Comedy Competition - and after seeing her tonight, I can completely see why). I was relaying how I'd felt after Melbourne Comedy Fest, just a little overwhelmed with how on earth I'd be able to hold my family together while living in the very-consuming comedy-world.

Her: "I think you HAVE to live in the real world: it's better for your comedy. Because then you've got something real to talk about. Otherwise you're just a comedian's comedian. As soon as you're JUST hanging out with comedians, then that's all you've got to talk about, and that's not real to people. You've gotta nurture your family and your real life - I get the most inspiration and hilarity just from hanging out with my mum. So go for it - you've got to keep your feet on the ground. It's the best thing you could do for your career anyway."

Damn I needed to hear that.

Dudes...cheers to you. x

You don't even need to read this blog entry

No really. This isn't for you. I'm only blogging this cos the thought of being able to do so was my sole comfort in the heat of a stressful afternoon.

In summary:

• Walked into the kitchen this avo to find a carton of milk lying on its side with its entire two litres of contents spilled onto the floor. As if this wasn't enough of an injustice, just you try to interrogate a two year old to establish the truth of what went down and who should pay.
  
• Endured an almost-hour-long kids-whingeing-in-peak-hour drive to have dinner with Tim at his work, only to find he'd overlooked a work function, meaning we had not only wasted a trip, but had to drive the entire way back again. With even MORE whingeing. It's a good thing the air-bag didn't accidentally go off - I might have been tempted to self-suffocate.
  
• Ended my last-minute grocery mission with Caleb jumping violently in the trolley (okay, admittedly I shouldn't have had him in there in the first place, but PUH-LEASE....anything that even resembles a 'mute' switch gets my vote) and landing square on top of the yoghurt, thereby splitting it in half and spilling its entire litre of contents over my groceries, my jeans and the shop floor. Even my fleeting dad-pun thought of 'hey, I've always wanted to feel cultured' didn't cut it. There ain't nothing making that funny. Well, except the passing of time.

So there you go. I've gotten that out of my system and feel suitably purified. Now...assuming you neglected to heed my advice and read it anyway...consider it officially done with.

You move on, I move on: it's all good.

Relationships or relationshits?

It blows my mind how much more I'm enjoying being a mum, now that I've abandoned any thoughts of work on my kiddy-days. I actually LIKE hanging with the little tikes, what do you know? This morning we all danced our butts off to some music (I'm telling you, my kids get my absolute un-selfconscious comedy G-O-L-D), and were pretending to be cats, when Ella clapped her hands and added her direction, little Sofia Coppola in the making that she is:

Her: "Okay mama, Cay can be the baby cat, I'll be the little cat, and you can be the mummy cat. Okay?"

Me: "Okay. I have to tell you though, I'm feeling a little typecast."

In other random news, a dear friend of mine (who I'll keep nameless until she instructs me otherwise - not that it's a Da Vinci code type deal or anything - though come to think of it she does seem to like wearing hooded garments...) e-mailed me from abroad yesterday telling me of her current relationship woes.

Then she asked me the big question: "what do YOU think makes a good relationship, Jen?" Hmmmm....it did get me thinking. Here's a little of what I wrote back:

Hmmmm....what makes a good relationship good? That's a toughie. Let me think - it has been on my mind the last few months as we've actually been through a pretty tough time together this year. Just the craziness of touring, etc. plus we've both been pretty stressed out (Tim's on prac this year) saw us almost get to breaking point. But fortunately we've worked our asses off on the relationship and turned it around for the better. (Thus far, anyway!)

Okay, I think it's a combo of having fun together, good conversation, having enough in common that you can share each other's worlds yet enough that's different that you can introduce each other to new things (and not just become one entity) but most of all, I think it's really about commitment. Because inevitably you're going to hit a bad patch at some stage, and when it seems easier to walk away, it's the commitment to see it through that helps you hold on.

And I guess, the over-riding philosophy you need for that (which is something I'm still getting my head around) is to focus not on 'how can YOU be a better partner for me?' but 'how can I be a better partner for you?' You know, when you care enough about someone to really want to find a way to meet their needs better and help them feel loved, rather than the other way around. Basically, I think relationships (parenthood being quite a magnified example) are an enormous exercise in abandoning our default setting of selfishness!!!

I don't know if that's even the slightest bit helpful - I hope so! That's just my take on it, anyway.

Just slap me Southside and call me Doctor Phil!

Obviously that's by no means a definitive answer, more just rambling thoughts. But I am curious - what do you guys think makes a good relationship?

You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!!!

I just got this e-mail through my newly established MySpace spot - boy, I'm getting so many comfy corners in cyber-space I'll soon be living in a computerised box...

I had the pleasure of seeing you the other night at the powerhouse.. You were fantastic!!! Keep up the good work and i look forward to seeing you perform again :) Hayley

How lovely...and to think I almost mistook it as spam, seeing as Hayley's pseudonym is "Forbidden Lust". Well, evidently Forbidden Lust ain't as nasty as it's cracked up to be!

Now....to answer the questions posed at my press conference:

1. When can we hear you on 4ZZZ?

Friday afternoons, from 3pm to 6pm. It's 102.1FM. Make sure you call in and suggest something for our improvised radio section!

2. What made you get into comedy?

My husband. He just needed me out of the house. Oh, the mirth. No seriously, I guess the idea had crossed my mind every now and then, but I had no idea how you even did it. I came from an acting background, was almost always cast in comedic roles but I didn't really give it any major thought more than occasionally (like when I had the great joy of interviewing Fiona O'Loughlin for my Mums who Dare to Dream book; that got me thinking, but again, only fleetingly). Then a little under two years ago a random conversation led to me getting into a weekly impro show (you can click here if you want the full story), which gave me confidence that maybe I was funny enough to entertain an audience.

A few months later I saw a poster advertising the Triple J Raw Comedy Competition, and I immediately entered. I hadn't written a scrap of material, I had no idea what I would even talk about, but I knew once I had a deadline I would have to come up with something. The first gig I did, I didn't even know how to plug in my guitar!! I felt like such an idiot, but it actually went really well, I ended up going through to the State Finals and have been performing regularly since. I remember after that first ever gig, the sound guy coming up to me and saying 'Jenny, I have to tell you, when you didn't even know how to plug the lead in the guitar, I was thinking 'oh my God', but seriously...that was fantastic.' That made my night.

I think the more potent question might be...what keeps me in comedy?

3. What is your biggest fear?

Hmmm....aside from Celine Dion recording a duet with Mariah Carey which I am then forced to listen to while eating sprouts?

Losing the people I love. Those of you who've been with my blog for a while (oooh, how I love you) will know that my own mother died when I was five, and subsequently I am rather paranoid about losing the people that I love. I'm not scared of death in itself, just the pain of being separated. But that said, I also find this awareness of death incredibly motivating to get the most out of life, plus it makes me treat people a bit nicer. So you know, it's not all bad.

I'm also really scared of Hannibal Lecter and snakes. Or Hannibal Lecter wearing snakes. That'd suck.

4. What is your most embarrassing moment?

Childbirth...okay, that's a cop-out - it's just so incredibly obvious (though true) that it's immediately rendered unacceptable.

Probably dyeing my hair black at uni - not that it looked bad, it actually looked cool, but then as soon as my grandma (who I call mum, for future blogging reference) decided she liked it, I immediately re-rebelled and tried to dye it back to blonde. Which you can't do. Unless you like multi-coloured hair that clumps and falls out. In the nine months that followed, I started two things: hat-wearing and an internet relationship. Nuff said.

*hanging head in shame*

Cluck cluckedy cluck cluck

First it was Jane. Then it was Frankie. Now, it's damn Angelina Jolie.

Hot women all around me having hot hottie little babies, making me more clucky than a hen on steroid-laced pellets.

Okay, okay, I can almost hear you, shouting through the depths of cyber-space: alright Jen, we get it, you're CLUCKY! Now just get pregnant or go on the pill, but please....SHUT UP!!!!

Ah, my dear friends, if only it were that simple....well, yeah, you're right, it probably is, but then that doesn't make a very nice segue, does it?

On the plus-side:

- Frankie brought Charlotte and co over today and guess what? She actually does cry. Thud. That was me coming back down to earth.

- In viewing Angelina's new mummy-rack, where others see hot boobies, I see only painful melons of leakage.

- I'm projecting my cluckiness onto Caleb, finding him super-edible of late. In fact, I just stumbled across a video from a few months ago, in which he is starting to talk. Check it out if you like - it's not particularly funny, but damn it's cute...

So yes, I'm dealing with this my cluckified hormones a little better right now, but can I please just put out an urgent call to hot women everywhere: for heaven's sake STOP BREEDING!!!!!!

My ovaries are begging you.

Press Conference

Well, if it's good enough for Brangelina, it's good enough for me. (Truth be told, I'm feeling a little sloth-like and am thus stealing this idea from Sharpie).

So the deal is, you ask whatever wild and wacky questions you want, and I answer them to the best of my ability.

I do, however, reserve the right to pass.

Fire away.

PS I just booked my flights to New York: OMG it's really happening!!!!!!!!!!

I'm in a photography exhibition!

For real. Check it out.

(And here you were thinking I couldn't write short blog entries...AHA!)

Oscar Speech

I'm working on a new song called "Oscar Speech", which will be one of my first fully original comedy songs (i.e. not a satire of an existing song). I've got all the lyrics down and cannot WAIT to start fleshing the whole thing out! Cos I have to tell you, I'm a huge Oscars buff. Every single year I sit down (usually with a girlfriend or three and always with a chocolate or twelve) and spend the entire time hurling insults at the screen. And that's before the ceremony's even underway.

As for the speeches, well...I guess I can see the dilemma. You either thank everybody who ever helped you, in which case your entire time is just taken up with a list of names, OR you opt to not thank anybody and then look like a self-absorbed high-twattage lightbulb.

The reason this springs to mind is that since I've found out about the grant, I've been inundated with beautiful people offering me support - and seeing as this blog ISN'T an Oscar Speech (and thus I have no fear of being cut off by an orchestra, yet I may still run the risk of looking like a self-absorbed high-twattage lightbulb) - I want to take this opportunity to say a massive THANK YOU!!!

Now, there are a zillion people I should thank who aren't on this list, but then I've only got a limit of lines until my blogging power fades and readers log off with a mental note of 'well, hell's bells baby, I ain't never checking out that Comic Mummy crap again. That chick can't shut up!' So here I'm specifically offering thanks for support for the US trip. I'll do the whole 'jelly wrestling championships' thank-yous another time, another place. But if I have overlooked anyone here, I do apologise - drop me a line and maybe I'll forward you some funny spam or something.

Anne Pensalfini - for writing me a grant reference so glowing that I turned my copy into a new bed-lamp;

Brad Daniels & Brendan Glanville - for writing grant references so fragrant with niceness that we've used them to replace the pot pourri;

Paul Osuch - for coming to my gig last week and taking some cool performance photos for my portfolio;

Robert Grayson - for calling me from the States to give me hot tips on getting some gigs in NY;

Aunty Viv - for putting her hand up immediately to be my uber-publicist;

Liz & Andrew - for hooking me up with accommodation during the trip;

Jonathan Atherton - for tipping me off to make sure I experience church in Harlem;

Karen and Mark - for introducing me to the wonders of the electronic key-board (even lending me theirs so I can suss it all out) which I now know is going to make my one-man-band complete;

My Mum - for giving up moaning at me about not doing law or something more stable and income-earning and actually choosing to be proud of me for following the performing path (and for giving heart-felt travel advice like 'be careful in New York - they'll dong you on the head'); and last but not least...

My hubby - for being excited for me even though it means three and a half weeks apart. And for saying nice things like 'you're a star' and then putting up with my J-Lo style tantrums that go with the title. And for being hot.

And of course, to the exceptionally awesome group of friends and family I have (you know who you are - if not ask me and I'll tell you. Phew: identity crisis successfully avoided...) for coming to my gigs, telling me nice things and being beautiful people.

Cue Oscar music

*collapsing into teary flits of delerium*
I LOVE YOU GUYS.....NO REALLY, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh gees, I'm gonna bawl my eyes out....

*getting pulled off-stage by a hook*

Tripod, Jonathan Atherton and Mango Lick

I've got sooooo much to blog about, I've just gotta get it all out of my head and onto the cyber-page now to make room
for other stuff. So in my grand tradition, this is my:

Top 7 Notable Moments of the Week

1. Having one of those "I wish I could bottle this" moments when the fabulous Tripod kicked off an interview on our
radio show by singing their version of Radiohead's Paranoid Android. I knew they were funny, but now realise I had COMPLETELY underestimated their musical prowess. Wow. Seriously, sitting in that studio - just Alex, me and the Tripod dudes singing this incredible rendition of one of my all-time favourite songs...well, it blew my head off. (Seriously, they're still scrubbing the walls as I type.) And they're nice blokes too. At the risk of sounding like a tosser...what a privileged life I lead.

2. Interviewing Judith Lucy (albeit by phone) earlier on the same show. While it is so so cool to be getting some rocking comedians on the show, it's still doing nothing to ease my star-struckedness. I've really gotta do some work on the whole 'aloof' thing. Somebody should write a 'how to' e-book: there's gotta be a billion dollars right there.

3. Supporting Judith Lucy at the Powerhouse - while this hasn't actually happened yet (the gig is on tonight), something tells me it'll rate a mention. Just call me John Edward.

4. Laughing so hard that my intestines began to digest themselves at the Py-Hi gig last night - thanks to
Jonathan Atherton. The thing is, the more comedy you see, the less you laugh. But then every now and again a comic somehow breaks through the 'jaded Jenny' barrier and makes me rattle and hum. (I can't tell you how disconcerting that is to the people sitting next to
me). The even cooler part was seeing how much of his material was stories drawn from his experiences in comedy abroad, not the least of which was in...da da da da...New York! Do you even need me to tell you that this has
made me chomping so madly at the bit, that the bit is not only bitten, it's virtually torn. No, you don't. So I won't. Next.

5. Having my dear friend Mango Lick urge me to write more blog entries.

"Really?" I said. "You have no idea how much I hold myself back from writing them just cos I don't want to be too self-obsessed and pathetic!"

"No!" she said. "I want more! Write away! If you blogged five times a day, I'd be happy."

Then again, she was a little drunk.

6. Realising how much I'm going to miss my family on this trip away. Three and a half weeks is the longest I've been away from my kids by...well, three and a half weeks. AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!

7. Chatting to an audience member after last night's gig and having her tell me 'It's just that most women comedians are all 'I don't want kids, me and motherhood, no way,' so it's really refreshing to see a mum who's doing it and rocking out.' Then, after me moaning about whether to have another baby or not, she beamed 'I reckon it would be WICKED to watch someone doing comedy with a huge preggy belly!'

Hmmmmm.....if that means the baby would be henceforth tax-deductable, then let us end this conversation here and now and commence pro-creation immediately.

Robert Browning eat your heart out

So my hubby is now a published poet.

*swoooooon*

I'm proud. Not just because it's so very cool that after dabbling in haiku as a hobby for a little while, he's managed to publish them in a haiku journal on his first submission, people (the man may be published but he has NOOO idea about suffering for his art) but most of all, because - in the words of Shark's Tale's Lola - "deep down, I'm really superficial." And 'published poet' just sounds so much better than 'student teacher' or 'support worker' or 'brunette'.

Ah, but now you see, I can say with not only pride, but a French accent... "ooh la la, Francoise, have you met my hubb-ee? He is, how you say, le poet...he speaks to me le sonnets as my head touches le pillow on le bed, and gives-a-me le goosebumps with his iambic pentameter...j'adore le poet, Francoise, j'adore!!!"

It's official. My life is now complete.

Extreme Makeover!

Dearest Jen,

Just a note to thank you so much for my make-over. I think I look hot.

Please do drop Miss Zoot a line and thank her ever so much for designing my template - I simply cannot even begin to get my head around how incredibly amazing I will look once she reaches into the depths of her blog-stylist creativity to tailor-make my make-over come August - just thinking about it makes my html positively throb!

Please reassure your husband that while I may be addictive, alluring and as of now...just plain SEXY, what we have is purely platonic and it is he, only he, who has the door to your soul.

(Just don't tell him that I have the key...moihaahaha, moiahahahaha, moihahahahahahhahaha!)

Your incredibly attractive and ever-loyal,
Blog.

Tell me what you want, what you really really want...

I second-guess myself a lot with blogging.

Am I being too long-winded? Is this just self-indulgent crap? Am I related to Mariah Carey?

So I'm asking (yes, again, dig it!) for help. I want, no NEED(!) to know why you read this blog. Because I sure as hell have no idea.

Let me be more specific. Do you want to see more or less of:
- mummy stuff
- comedy stuff (i.e. career related)
- comedy writing (just stupid blather on whatever)
- episodes of my life written in film style (like here)
- video entries
- Paris Hilton

...or should I just shut up, accept that I'm a neurotic people-pleaser and continue to dwell in my chaotic bloggy clutter.

Comment with reckless abandon, or e-mail me.

Zig a zig aaaah...

'It's All Lies' turns 100!

A tres cool blog (to which I may or may not be a contributor, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more) has just passed the 100 posts mark and with 1000 hits per week, it's a site for sore eyes! (Oh boy, I kill me...)

Drop by and wish it a happy birthday, won't you?

Be my friend!

I promise to:

• never remember your birthday;
• forget to reply to e-mails; and
• only catch up at parties, gigs or at an event of your initiation.

Now is that an offer you can refuse or WHAT?

Go on, print out the certificate and mail it to me. You know you wanna.

But please...no chocolates.

When it rains, it pours

I've scored a pad in New York!! Yes, that's right - looks like for one week of my time there I'll be house-sitting my very own apartment on my lonesome right in good old Manhattan.

Start spreading the news...

Okay, I'll stop now.

I'm leaving today...

No really.

Today has been so productive, it's countered my desire to be reproductive. I can't tell you how relieved I am - for the moment my ovaries have ceased pulsating and made way for my creative juices to take over.

I managed to do some more trip stuff this morning, then this avo met with my musical muse Mr Toby Straton to lay down a backing track for my latest comedy song. Which, might I add, I'll be debuting at my gig tonight.

*crescendo* I want to be a part of it...!!!!

Okay, seriously stopping now.

Where is my 'off' switch?

I'm ashamed to say that my head is full of little else but the USA-comedy-trip-of-a-lifetime. Honestly, I suck. Yesterday I was driving along when I realised it had been about twelve minutes since I'd even said a word to the kids. Not a 'what can you see out the window?', not a 'what would you like for afternoon tea?', not even so much as a 'what do you really think about global warming?'

I suck.

I'm trying so hard to not get my head so far stuck up my own butt that I'm suffocating, but I do fear I'm getting close. Come on, Jen, think of something else...think about...dry-cleaning fluid.

Think dry cleaning fluid, think dirty clothes, think washing, think Fisher & Paykel, think globalisation, think America, think holy heck that's where I'm going in SIX WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

You see my dilemma.

So what the hell, I'll embrace it.

Cool Things that Have Happened this Week

1. Having a gig at the Powerhouse (Livewired, a room set up by my dear comedic chum Josh Thomas) and for the first time ever, being approached by people afterwards to ask where I am performing next. How very cool.

2. Being actually thanked by Caleb for changing his nappy. How very polite.

3. Finding out that my sister and brother-in-law (who I adore) and who now live in Europe, are coming to America and will be driving through New York the exact day I get there. So they're going to pick me up and drive me up to Connecticut for Liz's family reunion. How very serendipidious.

4. Confirming that yes, my sister can be my kids' nanny while I'm away. How very guilt-relieving.

5. Receiving news that the second (and advanced level) intensive I wanted to do with Second City which, by the time I'd found out about the grant, had already sold out, has just had a cancellation, and I've been offered their place. Which means not only another week with one of the best impro/comedy places in the world, but another week in New York. How very COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, I'm getting American-ised already.

So yes, the trip is officially gonna rock. Now I've just gotta work out how to stop thinking about it before I lose the ability to communicate with my kids.

Suggestions?

Help Wanted: How to Get the Most Out of the Comedy Adventure Abroad

This trip is making me bold.

Just the thought of travelling to the great big comedy beyond to learn, to be inspired and to perform, has given me the guts to write to Michael Lorne, the guy who created (and still produces) Saturday Night Live.

You see? I would never dare such a thing usually, but now I'm going and I know I'll only be there for a week or so, I figure, 'what the hell?' Seriously, why not? The worst that can happen is he doesn't e-mail me back (well, no, the worst that could happen is that Lorne suddenly rocks up on my door and in his jet-lagged delerium starts running through my house throwing muesli all over the floors and singing "Oops I Did It Again") but the second worst that can happen is that he doesn't e-mail me back. Which is going to happen if I don't write, guaranteed. I at least want a ticket in the lottery.

So yeah, I'm a little blissfully naieve (though I prefer 'refreshingly unjaded') and therefore am looking for some willing collaborators in my plan to take over the world, naieve bold move by naieve bold move. Did you hear that? That was me, asking for help.

You see, I want to make sure I make the most of absolutely every SECOND that I'm on this trip - sleep will just have to wait for the flight home.

So I need suggestions and ideas, people! Most specifically:

• people I should try to meet (if you actually have contact details I'll love you long time)
• places I should see (touristy and comedy-oriented)
• shows I should catch (especially improv and comedy)
• tips on cool (and relatively inexpensive) places to eat/sleep/scratch myself

Feel free to go to town with suggestions, too. They can be really ambitious and/or crazy, in fact the moreso the better (obviously keeping it clean, people, as I don't think the receipt for the Debbie Does Dallas festival would go down too well with my grant people). Remember, I'll be blogging everything so if I do manage to take you up on your suggestion, you'll get to live out the whole fabulous experience yourself! You know, in an indirect, written kinda way. I'll even take photos!

Best of all, all helpful tips will be honoured with...my ever-lasting friendship. It even comes with a life-time warrantee: ain't nothing breaking that sucker.

Either post suggestions as a comment OR e-mail me: contact@jennywynter.com

My 3-year-old comedy protege

First we take Manhattan...then we take Berlin! (You must forgive me, I've been listening to disturbing amounts of Leonard Cohen lately)

But seriously, check out my daughter and I here: I told you I've been rehearsing way too much in front of the kids.

Ah, my first blog video...may this be the start of a long and beautiful friendship.

The definitive “So Jen, you got a grant huh?” FAQ

Since breaking the latest news, I have been bombarded with not only fabulous congratulatory well-wishes (can you feel that? That was me reaching through the depths of cyberspace to hug you in all your cheer-squaded glory) but also more questions than you’d hear from my three-year-old watching Wolf Creek.

Relax, people. That was a joke.

Thus, I am writing my very first and thus very land-mark-like…

FAQ

Are you excited?
Er, yes. Even just the prospect of going overseas (which I’ve never done – something which has taunted me for years) is enough to make me wet my pants. I haven’t yet wet my pants, but it is early days.

So what exactly is the grant for?
I’m going to be doing some training in comedy and improvisation in the USA, with a specific focus on musical improv and solo improv.

Then when I get back, I’ll be sharing what I learned with my local comedy and improv communities by running a couple of free workshops so we can inject the Brissie scene with some of this stuff.

THEN…I’ll be incorporating all the cool things I learned into my full-length one-woman show, which I’ll be putting on in Brisvegas at the end of the year. Phew!

Now that you’re rich, why don’t you just flee the country?
Hmmmm……I could quite comfortably live out the rest of my life in Thailand…

How long are you going for and what exactly will you be doing?
I’m off for around three weeks all up:
New York for just over a week – doing two summer intensives with Second City in both improvisation and comedy writing;
Las Vegas for four days (I’ll be sure to say hi to Elvis for you) – doing a musical improv intensive (again through Second City) taught by leading expert Michael Pollock. When I say this guy wrote the book on musical improv, I mean, he literally wrote the book.
Boston for a week – doing private coaching with Daena Giardella.

What is Second City?
Basically, the Second City alumni comprises pretty much anybody who’s anybody in American comedy. WOW. (Excuse me, about every 4-5 hours or so I get a little lightning bolt of excitement where it actually hits me that this is really going to happen. That was one of them).

Who is Daena Giardella?
Daena is a complete performing guru who does one-woman improvised musical comedy shows – in short, I want to use my time in Boston to suck out her DNA and have it injected into my left brain. (Unfortunately, the grant people didn’t approve, so I guess private coaching will have to do. Sigh.)

Are you taking the family with you?
ARE YOU CRAZY!??? I’m sorry, I meant ‘no.’ This is because:
a) The funding only covers my trip;
b) Tim will be part-way into his last semester of uni; and
c) Taking the kids on another trip away would probably kill me. You think I jest? I’d be dead before we even stepped off the plane.

Will you take me with you?
So long as you are toilet-trained and promise not to scream at me at 2am, sure.

So how are you managing the family thing?
Aha! Remember how I pined for Mary Poppins during the comedy tour down south? Well…Chim Chimeny Chim Chim! Part of my grant budget is for a nanny!!! Who child-minds! And cleans! And makes sure my kids don’t die from a daddy-induced baked-beans and bread-only diet! Hopefully that person will be my sister, who shares a relationship with my kids of mutual adoration so thick it almost makes me dry-retch. Plan B: I’ll just find a nice dog kennel…

But hang on, I thought you were easing off on comedy to focus on family?
Family, schmamily…I’m off to NEW YORK, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh alright, alright. So the wackiness of having only JUST detached myself from the whole comedy thing to focus on my family, only to have this break-of-my-lifetime-thus-far placed in my lap, has not escaped my attention.

What can I say? My realization that comedy is not the be-all and end-all has not changed. But I do think there’s still a place for amazing adventures while still doing it in a way that will keep my family feeling loved and in good shape. Can you hear that keyboard music? Oh, I’m sorry. For a moment there I thought we were on Oprah.

What on earth did you put in the grant application?
Anthrax. With a note ‘give me the money now or face a slow death’. Oh, that and a thoroughly drafted and re-drafted grant application which I really worked my butt off on. I have spent years, YEARS I tell you, of applying for these things with no success. Until now: WOHOO! All I can say is that maybe writing grant applications is a bit like giving birth – it takes hours, it’s often agonizing and the more you do it the easier it gets.

Seriously, if you do want some actual tips, then just drop me a line and I’ll do my best. Heck, if you ask extra-nicely, I’ll even take out the anthrax.

Are you going to come back?
Moiahahahahhaha!!!!! (shamelessly evil laugh)

Yes.