Oscar Speech

I'm working on a new song called "Oscar Speech", which will be one of my first fully original comedy songs (i.e. not a satire of an existing song). I've got all the lyrics down and cannot WAIT to start fleshing the whole thing out! Cos I have to tell you, I'm a huge Oscars buff. Every single year I sit down (usually with a girlfriend or three and always with a chocolate or twelve) and spend the entire time hurling insults at the screen. And that's before the ceremony's even underway.

As for the speeches, well...I guess I can see the dilemma. You either thank everybody who ever helped you, in which case your entire time is just taken up with a list of names, OR you opt to not thank anybody and then look like a self-absorbed high-twattage lightbulb.

The reason this springs to mind is that since I've found out about the grant, I've been inundated with beautiful people offering me support - and seeing as this blog ISN'T an Oscar Speech (and thus I have no fear of being cut off by an orchestra, yet I may still run the risk of looking like a self-absorbed high-twattage lightbulb) - I want to take this opportunity to say a massive THANK YOU!!!

Now, there are a zillion people I should thank who aren't on this list, but then I've only got a limit of lines until my blogging power fades and readers log off with a mental note of 'well, hell's bells baby, I ain't never checking out that Comic Mummy crap again. That chick can't shut up!' So here I'm specifically offering thanks for support for the US trip. I'll do the whole 'jelly wrestling championships' thank-yous another time, another place. But if I have overlooked anyone here, I do apologise - drop me a line and maybe I'll forward you some funny spam or something.

Anne Pensalfini - for writing me a grant reference so glowing that I turned my copy into a new bed-lamp;

Brad Daniels & Brendan Glanville - for writing grant references so fragrant with niceness that we've used them to replace the pot pourri;

Paul Osuch - for coming to my gig last week and taking some cool performance photos for my portfolio;

Robert Grayson - for calling me from the States to give me hot tips on getting some gigs in NY;

Aunty Viv - for putting her hand up immediately to be my uber-publicist;

Liz & Andrew - for hooking me up with accommodation during the trip;

Jonathan Atherton - for tipping me off to make sure I experience church in Harlem;

Karen and Mark - for introducing me to the wonders of the electronic key-board (even lending me theirs so I can suss it all out) which I now know is going to make my one-man-band complete;

My Mum - for giving up moaning at me about not doing law or something more stable and income-earning and actually choosing to be proud of me for following the performing path (and for giving heart-felt travel advice like 'be careful in New York - they'll dong you on the head'); and last but not least...

My hubby - for being excited for me even though it means three and a half weeks apart. And for saying nice things like 'you're a star' and then putting up with my J-Lo style tantrums that go with the title. And for being hot.

And of course, to the exceptionally awesome group of friends and family I have (you know who you are - if not ask me and I'll tell you. Phew: identity crisis successfully avoided...) for coming to my gigs, telling me nice things and being beautiful people.

Cue Oscar music

*collapsing into teary flits of delerium*
I LOVE YOU GUYS.....NO REALLY, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh gees, I'm gonna bawl my eyes out....

*getting pulled off-stage by a hook*